Damn you GPA

This week has been mildly painful. Well, not really, but this is what happens when you live at home and you’re 22 and you have no job or no car.

i am a LOSER!

i have been applying for some jobs. Actually, i have been hired at a high school as a substitute, but i don’t work unless they call me, which they have not.

There are a couple of jobs i really want, but i doubt that i will get them.

Last night i was ready to grab my still packed suit cases and move to Flagstaff. i know where there’s a room for rent. i miss Deanna. It is going to be One hundred and two degrees today.

The other day Andrea asked me if i feel like i never lived in New York. Well, sometimes it does feel that way. i came back to Tucson to the same everything. Same house. Same room. Same things. Same heat. But, every morning i wake up, i feel a void so painful and nameless that it consumes the morning. Then, i realize, that what is missing is New York City, and i wonder how i can forget it.

i am reading White Noise right now. It is fulfilling and questioning and it reminds me about what i love.

i am applying for grad school in FIVE places (six?):

Northern Arizona University
Arizona State University
University of Arizona (where i graduated)
New York University
City College of New York
University of Texas at Austin.

i have doubts about getting accepted at any of these schools. Especially the ones i really want. But, i am still trying.

Well, i am sure this is boring and White Noise is waiting.

And i am feeling kind of down right now. Nothing to pinpoint. Nameless aches in the shadows of my organs. Nothing to worry about. Just something to nurse.

Two Words that are Very Scary: Draft Card