2/23/03

Grant me the Passivity to accept the things i cannot change.
The Ennui to ignore the things i can.
And the Apathy to not care about the difference.

Getting to a computer and getting time to write has been a challenge. Or maybe i don’t want to sit an see the static nature of my life.

Maybe i don’t want to see me writing about how i am alone still and still pining and what have you.

Maybe i hate that i cannot or have not written in here for so long. Maybe i miss everyone and think of them all the time.

Maybe i met two boys at work that have changed my life just a little. And Maybe Deanna and Jerod moved back to Tucson, and Maybe Justin moved back to Texas.

Maybe i love living with Jenny and Brad. Maybe i fucking hate my job.

Maybe i really like Bryon and he is hung up on his ex. But maybe that is okay because i have a lot.

And maybe, just maybe while i was in the car with Deanna and in disbelief of how lucky i am that these people are in my life, we were driving to MExico, and i looked at her and said “the clouds are coming in like brush strokes to tell us everything will be okay.

And although i meant it for that ephemeral moment, maybe the clouds come in like brush strokes everyday.

Because maybe pain and lonliness never cease, but even more withstanding is the love i have now.