My morning racket

Apparently, the way to get me up early in the morning is to inject large quantities of nicotine. I’m out of my Adderall and have only had one cup of coffee but am awake and fully functioning. I had quit this horrible e-cig habit and will only allow myself the indulgence for a little while. It’s already getting on my nerves.

Yesterday, I took the baby gear and gifts over to where Zoe is living and left them on the front porch. I didn’t knock on the door or ring the bell so as not to cause a scene. In the evening, Zoe and her MIL came by the house and put a jacket for Jane and a very impersonal thank you note in our mailbox. I think it really hurt Jane for Zoe not to even have come up to the door to say hello. She hasn’t seen her in over a month now. I feel so bad for Jane. She loves her big sister and none of this is her fault. The note was addressed to “The Chappells.” Not to my family, or to Mom and Dad or anything that would indicate that we weren’t general acquaintances or strangers. She said thank you for the gifts but that they already had everything they needed. Just another way of shutting us out. It felt like a knife in my heart all over again. But I can’t and won’t give up. I will get more baby gear and continue to drop it off.

Zoe’s birthday is a couple of weeks away and I will be taking a gift over there. There is no way that I am going to continue to let this hateful woman shut me out of Zoe’s life. I can’t control what she and Zoe do, but I can control how I act.