ry

Ryan has been a big thought in my mind often. I miss his presence here. Sometimes it feels like he hears me, the other day I saw a friend of his that he talked to about me a lot… and I said, “Ryan loved me didn’t he..” it slipped out of my mouth like saliva dripping out my tongue and onto someone with a pushed word. I almost cried just saying that, and of course he said yes. I get jealous sometime of his kids mother, whom is my best friend and his ex girlfriend that had been seeing him around the time he passed. It makes me so sad that i didn’t spend more time with him because he really did mean a lot to me, I just couldn’t risk my sobriety to be with him, getting hurt by someone else, ect… I did love him, I do miss him and he know’s it and I know im getting way into this spirituality shit, but he’s around me somewhere watching me cry and laugh, hoping I heal and get better. Out of every person in this world I think the biggest criminal treated me the best and it breaks my heart.

I do feel better lately, these two jobs are gonna kill me but I’ll make it and the money will be worth it the next month. Thankful, I need to save and pay a lot of things off.

I’m completely broke rn and going under 🙁