A Little Lost in Recovery

I know they always tell you in meetings and recovery you are either progressing or regressing and theres no inbetween. If I had to pick one I’d say I’m regressing. I know my life is going better, I am working a lot at a good job, getting trained by nice people, getting nice paychecks, spending more time at home, but I feel a little confused.

Maybe confused isn’t the word.

I know I’m going through the crisis after the crisis.

I’m no longer court mandated to anything, which was a little PTSD provoking in itself.

I feel like I’m the only one around to hold myself accountable, and that’s because I’m working a lot and isolating.

My ex and I are back together after a stretch of terrible months and a terrible break up and we’ve been doing fine, but I’m full of anxiety waiting for the branch to snap.

I’m also a little to fond of the person training me because I’m spending to much time with someone who shares a similar story as I. I feel less alone, but we deal with our success stories differently. He reminds me of myself, open, a little lazy and very smart. But I am going to bed now.

Carina

Overall, it sounds more like progressing rather than regressing. Sure, you still have some areas to work on for yourself. Working a lot is a good thing. It keeps you busy. Sweat equity in your future, my dear. The isolating part – not such a good thing, so that’s an area that still needs work. Find some ways to be social, but not with people from your past who might tempt you to regress… or relapse, which is even worse. I don’t know you at all or know your whole story, yet I know you. My sister is you. She’s been living it for years, and continues to do so. If I may, since you posted it publicly and allow for comments… if you are anxious and waiting for the shoe to drop with your ex, that might not be a healthy relationship for you. Are you at least a year out from your sober/clean date? At least a year away from the time you and your ex became exes? Everyone breaks up for a reason, and sometimes the reason is still the same and still valid, but we don’t see it because we don’t really want to be alone. A humans we aren’t designed to be alone. But better to be alone and get yourself right, to a point where you can be the best helpmate and other half to someone who can be the same back to you. I wish you the best, and I will pray for you.