To be an Adult (cont)…

Things are strange on the homefront. Sofie is away, we’ve had so many public holidays and Damien has been home with  me. He returns to work tomorrow, which I am looking forward to, as I relish my time alone.

We have received an unexpected opportunity. We might be moving to a small country town, 45 minutes from here. It has one school and one high school (both with great repuations), and the house has airconditioning – a must in these 35C / 102F degree heat -, big yard for the dogs and even a coup for the chickens. We’d save about $200 a week in rent and petrol by moving there, and as we’re in kind of financial hardship at the moment we are really considering it as a potentially good idea to move. It has many other benefits (everything in the town within walking distance and everything that you need – we would live in the main street – next door to the fire and ambulance station and video store LITERALLY) but the worst part would be moving Sofie to a new school, new karate group, and new friends. I dread dealing with her when she finds out (I expect her temper, moods and behaviour will hit rock bottom for a month or even more), even though we plan to discuss if with her. We need to make the decision in the next 2 weeks BEFORE she comes home, so we’ll have to e-mail her and talk on the phone.

I went to bed at 9.30pm on New Years Eve. I was tired but had nowhere to go and nothing to do anyway. Sometimes I wish I had friends, and I wish I knew how to enjoy life. Nothing makes me happy anymore, and I don’t even know what fun is. I don’t know how I got to be this sad. Depressed. Melancholy. Full of grey shades.

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Anyway, here is the rest of the excerpt from the book:

To be an Adult the recipe is :….

9. A self-respecting adult will support and feed the sense of self-worth of another person if possible. Never use a put-down to make yourself feel bigger or better.

10. Conversely, never put yourself down in an effort to plase someone, trying to show what a good and humble person you are and how relatively BIG the other person must be. A self-respecting adult never plays wounded and weak in an effort to make someone else guilty.

11.If you’ve done the wrong thing never take on the role of a contrite child. You should apologise and try to fix the problem, but shouldn’t grovel. Endless apology only shows your anxiety over rejection, not true remorse over your act.

12. Try to be honest, but remember that if you’re brutally honest in the belief you’re maintaining your integrity, you may be violating a more important value of not hurting someone unnecessarily.

13. If you must tell lies to protect your self-esteem, make them lies of omission, not embellishments. You can never hope to be rehabilitated if you’re caught making yourself grander than you really are, but it is more excusable to forget to mention some of the bad bits.

14. Don’t use words that say one thing but are designed to carry and underlying message. Hints, name-dropping or very long words are usually transparent manipulations, which other people hate.

15. Give compliments if you feel they are deserved and receive compliments with thanks, even if you don’t feel you deserve them or you’re afraid you’ll be seen as insuffiently humble. Never reject the gift of a compliment. Never deny someone the pleasure of being kind.

16. Finally, the golden rule for every interaction: treat other people as if you believe they like you.