The Worst things to say to Someone with Depression

The Worst Things to Say to Someone With Depression
By Kristen Stewart and Everyday Health Staff
Medically reviewed by Pat F. Bass III, MD, MPH
 
You may feel awkward about speaking to a loved one with depression, especially if you don’t understand the condition. Test your knowledge about what to say and what not to say to someone battling this mental disorder.
Life is full of ups and downs, and it’s only natural for people to go through rough periods when they need some cheering up. But depression is more than feeling a little blue, and people struggling with depression need the right kind of loving support from family and friends.
It helps to know what to say and, just as importantly, what not to say to a loved one battling depression. “Depression is a medical illness and should be treated as such,” says Eva Ritvo, MD, vice chair of the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the University of Miami’s Miller School of Medicine. “Harsh or judgmental comments will only make things worse.”
Do you know what are the best and worst things to say to someone who’s depressed? Here are some common things you might feel like saying but shouldn’t.
 
1.            SNAP OUT OF IT.
2.            STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF.
3.            WELL, EVERYONE GETS DEPRESSED SOMETIMES!
 
You may be tempted to tell someone who’s depressed to stop moping around and just shake it off. But depression is a chemical disorder and is not something patients can turn on and off, and they’re not able to respond to such pleas. They are suffering more than feeling blue, or a little down. Instead, tell your loved one that you’re available to help them in any way you can.
 
4.            THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE WORSE OFF THAN YOU!
5.            YOU HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR, WHY ARE YOU DEPRESSED?
6.            YOU HAVE IT SO GOOD – WHY AREN’T YOU HAPPY?
7.            IT’S A BEAUTIFUL DAY!
 
In a world full of wars, hunger, poverty, abuse, and other ills, you may feel impatient when someone you love feels depressed. So do you remind him how lucky he is? Not really, no.
You can’t argue someone out of feeling depressed, but you can help by acknowledging that you’re aware of his pain. Try saying something like "I’m sorry that you’re feeling so bad."
 
8.            IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD
9.            JUST DON’T THINK ABOUT IT
10.          HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE
11.          JUST TRY A LITTLE HARDER
12.          I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRONGER THAN THAT
 
Some people believe that depression is an imaginary disease and that it’s possible to think yourself into feeling depressed and down. Should you tell your loved one that depression is just a state of mind — and if she really wanted to, she could lift her mood with positive thoughts?
No.
Suggesting that depression is imagined is neither constructive nor accurate. Although depression can’t be "seen" from the outside, it is a real medical condition and can’t be thought or wished away. Try saying instead: "I know that you have a real illness that’s causing you to feel this way."
 
13.          HAVE A DRINK – THINGS WON’T LOOK SO BAD.
 
Maybe your depressed loved one just needs to relax and unwind. Should you take him out for happy hour and suggest having a drink or two?
No.  Suggesting that someone with depression have a drink is never a good idea, since alcohol itself is a depressant.
 
 

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