Nostalgia

I spent a couple of hours reading my old diary last night.
I was on here for many years…and didn’t realise the site had been revitalised.
Found my old diary and reading it was pretty tragic.
Broke down in tears today feeling so much pain for the poor girl who lost so many years of her life to anorexia, depression and despair.
Should I start another diary? I’m in a different place now and not sure if I should.
I like writing though. And maybe now I could write everything I’ve learned about mental health and why my life was the way it was.
And now, on medication, finally free, I still have bouts of staring back through the decades and wanting to float through them and recapture the heartache. There’s nothing quite like an aching reality. The gasping for breath. You know you’re truly alive.
Not just floating along in a haze.
My brother thinks medication should never be used unless it’s an absolute last resort. And for me it was.
Honestly I don’t want to go back to the way I was. But hey, I’d like to breathe it sometimes.
I had a dream about Joe last night. He let me be with him instead of rejecting me.
And his wife was there and she didn’t mind, lol.
Sigh. Best get back to life.
I do have a family after all.