Nostalgia

I rarely have time these days to write or do much of anything. I have an almost 2 year old. Her birthday is in 2 weeks. A lot has changed. A lot. When you’re a parent there are responsibilities (endless responsibilities). There are highlights and low points. There are times you wish you could turn back the clock to before you were a parent. There are other times you feel so blessed to have this little person that you NEVER EVER would want anything any different.

Sigh. It’s hard. I have a great partner who is a wonderful father. We call him "Papa". And I am "Mama". I am still breastfeeding. She is a very active child, and doesn’t need a lot of sleep. She has red hair just like her Papa. I will try to post a pic. I am considering having another one but I had such a horrible pregnancy I almost can’t muster the courage to do it again. I was so sick. Nauseous, became depressed, had bouts of chronic fatigue, which I have since learned is a liver condition I have that is pretty much untreatable! Blah!

I am lucky. Life is good. But it is hard dealing with low energy levels when you have a toddler.

Food is basically no longer an issue, although I would like to lose weight, I just don’t see how it’s possible. I need energy to get through the day, and food often is a comfort during stress. I am also worried about screwing with food as I know that slippery slope only too well. I just don’t have the time to focus on losing weight, because I am so darn busy being a Mama.

She is in daycare 3 days a week. I think I’d go nuts otherwise, as she is very active (even for a toddler).

I miss days where I can just lie in bed and contemplate the world. I need slow time. I need me time.

I am also very creative and have way too many ideas and projects on the go, that I"ll never have time to give the focus I want. It is annoying being so creative and having endless ideas in my head. If only I had more time.

I do miss being thin. But what can I say. I dunno. I am my set point weight now. The weight I was for almost a decade before I got sick, and the weight my body likes to be at. It’s normal weight. It’s really hard trying to care too much when you are a Mama and have many more important things to care about.

But I do miss journalling.