Emotional assault

It’s those painful feelings that you need to start tackling. Your poor physical strength certainly doesn’t help – it only makes it harder for you to cope with your emotions. Loneliness is a horrible feeling but it’s not one that needs to cripple you. Think about this – you are killing yourself because of feelings and thoughts that you could learn to process and change. It’s not worth it. The feelings can’t kill you – not eating can.

*hugs* i know what its like to be lonely – my birthday was yeasterday and i had, literally, no one to share this day with. My mother was there, but she was too caught up with herself to “share” anything with me. and i have no friends. i guess bulimia gives me something to fall back on, it is somewhat a comfort. take care, i hope you feel better hun. xoxoxoox

it’s not going to get any easier if you put off recovery until later. and i’d really hate to see you get any sicker than you already are.

I AGREE.

it’s a cycle though–the reason you feel as though you have no friends around you is because of the depression and withdrawing into your ED. you’re going to have to “be awake” for a little while–and be in that awful inbetween place–in order to reach out to people. are they people you can start with at school? go out on a weekend? you clearly have made friends on here, and we think you’re great…so i have no reason to think that in real life it’d be different. you won us over by opening up to us. it’s *slightly* easier when there’s the safety of a computer screen, but you can do it. you’re going to have to take a big risk here. the bigger the risk, the bigger the payoff. i bet if you stayed “awake” for a few weeks and made a concious effort to break out of the cycle…i bet you’d win. i really bet you would. xoxo *~

Again – I thought I am your friend. But I guess not. Too many years and kms between? Anyway, I think you might think you have no friends because you don’t think anyone understand you. And maybe some people you cared about have gone because they just can’t cope anymore with your ed. So yeah, your ED alienates some people. It is extremely difficult to understand from an outsider’s perspective.

It’s really incomprehensible that you have these emotional swings that you sometimes cannot get out of. Even the ED voice sounds bizarre. We all talk to ourselves a bit, thinking about things, making plans, etc…but your “talk” with your “Ed” sounds almost like multiple personalities. It’s really difficult to grasp. But hey. I’m still here. Even though I don’t understand.

Being the kind of person I am, I can’t help but really hope you take your doctor and psychdoc’s advice. I really hope you get admitted (and go of your own free will). I really hope you take your meds, and they work for you. I do hope the chaos ends. You need to fight it. Every day. Because you’re strong enough to do it. You can. Just believe.

And although you can’t call me your “friend” anymore, I’m still around. Listening. Reading. Wishing you well. Even if I sometimes to voice my opinions. Your pamphlet came to me…it was an interesting read. But it did remind me that I’m an outsider in this. That I just don’t get it, and probably will never get. But it made me worry about the things I say to you. It’s almost counterintuitive.

To any other friend with a problem, I would just tell them what I think. Maybe try to say it gently, but I’d still say it. If my friend were walking straight into a pot hole, I’d call out to her to warn her. I can’t help myself. Even if what I say is harsh. To me, this would be how to help. What your pamphlet told me is the opposite. That I shouldn’t focus on the things you’re focusing on. That I

shouldn’t say what I would normally say to anyone else. But the thing is, I’ve been here since the start of your online diary. I’ve been in your life since you came to Canada (both times). It’s been nearly 10 years. Yes, ten!!! Can you believe it? Where has the time gone? I’ve seen you the way you were and the road you took to the way you are now. It’s hard to just stay supportive and focus on the

positive. It takes so much energy and it’s damn hard. And sometimes your diary reminds me of how wrapped up you are in your ED. How consuming it is. Maybe this is one reason why you’ve alienated your friends. We’d like to focus on your life, but your life is 90% full of ED topics. It’s hard to talk about anything else. How are we expected to talk about your job, your career, teaching, painting,

etc…with you when you’re not doing it yourself? It’s difficult. I’ve developed a kind of tunnel vision here. All I see is what you write. And what you write is mostly Ed-related. So I’m sorry if I can’t be more positive and focus on your life outside of Ed – but you need to start writing about it more. About something other than your ED. About your relationships. Your art. Your dogs. Your house.

You need to focus on your life – everything outside of this magnifying glass you have that’s focussed on ED. Then we’ll have more to discuss, and I can be more positive. I would like to be. I do really. So give me the opportunity. I’ll try to only write if I think I can be helpful. Always, LC.

your not alone. i hope your world gets a little easier. xoxo

You don’t seem quite ready to let go of being a “victim” & until then, recovery is impossible. It’s easier to blame everything wrong in your life on an ed instead of admitting that true problems exist isn’t it? Before you make assumptions – yes i do have an ed, i know what that world is like. Be honest with yourself and those left in your life – you don’t want to get better do you?

all my favourites are getting hugs today *hugs* enjoy the rest of the weekend] i’m feeling random