Discharge
I self-discharged yesterday afternoon. The clinical confines were starting to distort my perceptions of reality. I literally felt like I was starting to lose my mind. Couped up, no sunlight, no breeze, not even being able to go for a walk outside other than once a week with an escort.
I gained 3 kg in 5 weeks. Not near what they wanted, I still had another 7 kg to go. But I can’t even cope well with the weight I have gained. By the end stages I wasn’t even complying with the program truthfully. I was fucking with everything. I dunno. I DID make gains from the therapy programs, and if anything I AM more motivated to eat more normally once I get out. I have made a healthy (approved) meal plan, and even went grocery shopping with Damien yesteray and tried so hard to buy appropriate foods and look at labels less. It was so hard, I looked like such a strange girl, hesitantly picking up items and then putting them down, – then challenging myself to buy them and say it was OKAY to eat them…I am proud.
I have missed exercise the most. I don’t know how this will all go, but I have improved some. Still not happy with being this weight. I guess my goal is to try to feel okay about maintaining my weight at what it is now.
It is amazing to see my dogs run around again, and walk in the sunlight, watch the darkness across at night and feel an evening breeze. All things I haven’t felt in a while. My birthday in 5 days. Sigh.
Elizabeth
I thought your icon picture interesting so thought I’d come read an entry. So it sounds like you’ve been in better places before but you really appear to be moving forward again now? I thought your front page very honest. I wish you all the best.
Warning Comment
stay strong hun.
Warning Comment
I can’t say I blame you for not wanting to be couped up there. I only hope you keep that motivation to get better. *Gentle Hug* Oh, and I sent something to the clinic for you, but I’m not sure if you’ll get it. :
Warning Comment
Happy Birthday. It is important to address how appropriate treatment is to you. I wish you would have stayed on a little longer though. Good luck for the next few weeks, you’ll need all you strength. I have been thinin about you a lot
Warning Comment
I’m sure that I would also miss the freedom of being able to open the door and go for walks too…Good luck. xxx
Warning Comment
Strange that they don’t allow you to get out more. How does that help with recovering? But I hope you learned new tools for coping and can stay motivated. You really looked scarily thin in the last photo and I don’t think 3kg has changed that. But I really hope you can hold on to the advances you’ve made!
Warning Comment
you can keep this up. slow but steady. ps. did my letter get there on time? i hope so, but i was late in mailing it, so i’m not so sure you got it. take care, sweetie
Warning Comment
*hugs*
Warning Comment
be proud of yourself… you’re daughter must be so proud to know her mum is so strong. your her biggest inspiration, her teacher, her mother. what a lucky girl to have a mum like you! good luck. x
Warning Comment
Happy Birthday, sweetheart. I know it’s already Thursday for you, but it’s still Wednesday for me, so it counts 🙂 I hope you had a wonderful day, you deserve it. Love you.
Warning Comment
happy birthday hon. xoxo *~
Warning Comment
Are you okay?
Warning Comment