Tired

The weekend has been a blur. I have no clear boundaries between work and relaxation anymore. I also haven’t written one word on my book. I did, however, spend the evening sketching out a character for a picture book. I’m not 100% happy with my sketch but I will keep at it until I figure my art work is worth going into picture books. Meanwhile there are artists who are qualified that we will work with until my art is at a level I’m comfortable with.

As a child, I drew every day. I was quite good. My guidance counsellor at school suggested I go into commercial art, so I took a tour of an art school and decided I didn’t want to go. Mainly because the halls reeked of pot smoke. This was back before it was even legal. I did not want to smell that every day. Plus the commute to the school was an hour and a half each way every day. That or I could move out to live closer to the school, but I was young and didn’t feel ready to move out and get my own place. Plus I wouldn’t have been able to support myself.

When I was young I hadn’t accepted, understood, or even realized that I was an introvert. Things like getting my own place and going to art school intimidated me. Too many new people. Sometimes I regret not going. I mean, I probably still could. But again, I don’t think I have the energy for work and school at the same time and I don’t want to go into even more debt to go to school. I have enough debt now, thank you very much. Whenever a bank calls and tries to offer me a credit card, I say, “So, what you’re really offering me is more debt.” They have to admit that’s true and we part ways agreeably.

I’m just tired. Tired of work, tired of debt, tired of feeling trapped in a job that I can’t quit. I know millions or billions of other people feel the same way. I’m even too tired to think of any kind of solutions. I will talk to Max tomorrow and try to brainstorm some ideas that will get me hyped up for work again. He always motivates me. I honestly don’t feel like working on any of our projects. I just feel like staying in bed for a week. Maybe I’m depressed.

See you tomorrow.