two dead babies walk into a bar…

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Oh, jeez. Why did i volunteer to work on my one day off? Now my thirteen-day workweek is a nineteen or twenty-day workweek. I can’t keep track anymore. I’m going to break my own record for overtime. It’s not hard because my job is so freaking simple… the only hard part is coming home and finding the time to bang out new linearts to color while i’m there. I have two very loyal customers right now who are keeping me very busy. Every time i finish a drawing for one, the other one is ready to order something else. It’s worth it… i love ending each month with an extra $200 or $300 in my Paypal account for just… drawing.

Thankfully, nothing they want is too perverted. Just slightly perverted. Women changing into frogs and such.

Gleh.

At the risk of sounding like every other person in the world, my coworkers continue to vex me. It’s the nonstop talking. I can’t take it. There’s old Jimmy and his continuous griping and sniping about every mundane aspect of his life, from the price of soup to the proper way to eat pork & beans, along with the occasional weird old guy sex joke that makes no sense.

So there were three boys on the lawn, and one of them said “my father’s chest is so hairy that you can’t barely see his chest for all the hair,” and the second boy says “my father’s chest is so hairy that you can’t see his chest at all for all the hair, and the third boy says “well, my momma has a big patch of hair on her belly… and she drives a Cadillac!”

What?

What am i to make of that? He saw the glazed expression on my face and repeated the entire thing, and i still didn’t get it. What the fuuuuuuuuck.

And then there’s Lewis back at KRH and his increasingly bizarre ramblings. How he’s going to invent a car with five lithium batteries and five alternators that can run forever on almost no gasoline. Or that in the Pacific Northwest, people only date members of different races, or are gay. And that a catastrophic percentage of small children today are choosing to be gay because it’s glamorized. That in Atlanta and Las Vegas, there are 25 women for every man because all the men are either gay or in jail, so if you go to these cities you’re in danger of being pressganged into sexual slavery by roving bands of desperate women who will lure you into their house and not let you leave.

Interesting if true.

Probably not true.

And then there’s Nilley the Obese Snitch, whom i worked with tonight. He found a copy of the Nashville Scene laying around, and stood up and said “Oh, lordy! Who’s been reading this?” I looked at it, and realized that since the last time i read it in 1998, the Nashville Scene has become primarily targeted towards gay people. Nilley shrieked his disgust, held it by one corner, and declared “this doesn’t need to be in here!” and ceremoniously carried it outside to the trash. When he came back in, he said that we “gotta find out who here brought that!” He suspects Gomez, because he heard a rumor that Gomez saw the Oaf watching a skin flick depicting heterosexual intercourse and exclaimed, “eeeeew!”

…keep in mind that all of this gaybashery is hilarious because Nilley the Snitch is the femmiest, flounciest, most mincing obese man ever. And can you believe that i keep a straight face through this shit? I am so fucking professional.

Ehhh, at least Nilley doesn’t talk all the time. That’s what bothers me the most. I can’t talk to people for eight hours straight. I don’t know how they do it. I can chat for a little while, but after that i want to be quiet and work. Come on, i got some guy from the West coast paying me to draw a fox chick changing into a slime monster, and that takes concentration.

Although, i have a new permanent coworker who is actually pretty hella cool. He’s this kid named Dahir — he comes from a very religious Somali Muslim immigrant family, but he’s about as cool and as American as you can possibly get. We had a lot of fun watching his sister’s copy of Twilight and making fun of it…

…i had never seen this movie. It’s pretty bad, but it’s the most mockable movie ever. You know the scene where Kristen Stewart sits next to Cedric Diggory in biology class, and he starts squirming and fidgeting in such a theatrical manner? I didn’t know whether i should start making fart noises like he has diarrhea, or to say “ewww, an icky girl, get away from me, fish!” There’s just so many obvious riffs. We watched on the rest of the movie pretending that the vampires were actually X-men, because they seem more like X-men than vampires, really, with all their chiseled looks and super powers and modern hideout and extreme baseball and stuff.

I know what you are….

Say it out loud!

You’re… an X-men!

Bella. We must… defeat Magneto.

Good dumb fun. I hope Dahir lasts. We can hang.

The other thing i noticed about the movie is that Kristen Stewart is kinda pretty. So many people complained that she’s sooooo horrible and soooooo ugly that i was beginning to believe them. Nah, she’s cute. Haterz.

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The trailer is gone. I got my six grand and put it in the bank. Oh, it’s over forever. And i’ve worked enough overtime in the last two weeks to make up for over 1/3 of what i lost in the whole ordeal.

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This is the greatest comment i’ve seen on a right-wing website this week.

I’m not going anywhere, not now, not after we’ve had to sit through 3+ years of this lunitic Leftist bullshit day after day, watching as our country gets litterily deastroyed by this insane cult of assholes, and now, whem they’re rotten idea’s and asocial theories are finally showing the inevitable total fail, quit? Yeh, I’ll quit….I’ll quit when the last Proggressive is strangled on the guts of the last Marxist bastard. That’s when I’ll quit. — Big Bang Hunter

…deastroyed. Litterily deastroyed. I get butterfleas in my stomache just thinking about it.

So, let me get this straight. When this Big Bang Hunter was in 5th grade and saw the words “literal” and “destroy” on his spelling list, he stared blankly at them and they just didn’t take. And after many more years of seeing these common words in print, they still didn’t sink in. But i’m sure that this doesn’t reflect at all on his political or philosophical acumen, and he is quite prepared to examine the society around him and make competant, sober value-judgments on economics and government.

Of course.

You’d be a fool to ever question this man.

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Anyway.

Fifteen days down, four or five more to go.

I heard ol’ Tameeka is gonna be stopping by the Res sometime soon.

Damnit, i want to see the other Twilight movies now.

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