these are Rhosgobel Rabbits

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Hmmmph.

The other day at work, Dahir was handed some distressing paperwork — a final written notice, detailing many of the times he’s missed work or been late — and a statement that he’ll be terminated if he has any more strikes against him in the next ninety days.

>__<

He seemed to take it seriously. He asked me, “they’re not really gonna fire me, are they?” and i had to tell him — yeah, they just might. See, Dahir and Muna are both younger than me, and they’ve grown up in this new and hectic world where jobs and schools are generally pretty lenient about attendance, where you hear the excuse “people have lives, you know. Things happen. I understand.” But this is an old-school job, the kind where they don’t give a fuck about your life. They expect you there 99% of the time. Or else.

Sigh.

If either of these kids left, i would be really, really depressed. They’re far and away my favorite coworkers at this job. The last six months have been fun. Fun, i say! It hasn’t been like that since the old days.

They have some new trainees there, and the fact that they got a tour of our Stone Ring seems ominous. There are no open spots there… are there?

Anyway, i got both of my days off this week. So i went to see The Hobbit. Mostly i loved it. Like the other movies, the fast-paced action and relative narrative swiftness clash with the lush and ancient Tolkien-world already fully constructed in my mind. Seriously, if you didn’t grow up as a Tolkien fan, you don’t really know the space in my head that this world and these characters inhabit. Most people will find something when they’re ten or twelve years old that just blows your mind and nests there forever. It might be the Bible, or the Koran, or the music of Radiohead, or Harry Potter, or crazy punk rock, or Star Wars, or Star Trek, or Wicca, or whatever. It just finds you at the right time and it claims your life. Tolkien was that for me.

Anyway, this movie is EPIC. It’s epic as FUCK. Probably too epic. They have the charming little book as their blueprint, but Peter Jackson clearly wants to outdo the original trilogy in size and majesty. Sure, okay, but now the original movies are probably going to look twee compared to these juggernauts. People complain that this movie is bloated and ponderous and includes too many nerdly details that only interest the hardcore geeks like me… and they’re right. And i love it. But it almost sucks, because now i want to see what Jackson could have done with the original trilogy if he’d had this sort of absolute creative control back then. We could have had Tom Bombadil, the Barrow Wights, the full Voice of Saruman scene, man.

The people who complain about the “slow pace” are dumb. I like the slow parts. Gandalf consulting with the other Wizened Wise against a gorgeous backdrop? Those are the moments i love. When they’re running and fighting and stabbing, that’s when i get bored and wait for the next slow and brooding part.

The audience audibly gasped and shifted to attention when Gollum showed up near the end. That was cool. Gollum has fans.

Radagast the Brown has a bird’s nest in his hair, bird shit plastered to one side of his face, and a sleigh pulled by rabbits. I am strangely okay with this. The scene with him and the dying hedgehog was one of my favorites, and it made me sad that i had to leave Luna at home to see this movie.

My first homemade bong was named Radagast. Gooch had Gandalf, and John smoked from Saruman, if memory serves.

Damn.

Eleven years ago, the three of us stumbled to this very same theater to see The Fellowship of the Rings. We were high on weed and some of Shelton’s leftover amphetamines. So much has changed since then. Those eleven years…. an eternity. I can’t believe how much happened between then and now.

Gandalf says that he can’t quite remember the names of the two blue wizards… dude! Alatar and Pallando, also known as Morinehtar and Romestamo. Everyone knows that.

By far the worst part of the movie was the Goblin King’s too-human voice and the line “What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do now, eh? ….oh! Well, that’d do it.” That was just the worst villain death i’ve ever seen in any movie ever.

Anyway, i liked The Hobbit.

Before the movie there was a long trailer for a new Tom Cruise movie called Oblivion where Tom Cruise plays Tom Cruise in an epic post-apocalyptic space fantasy. And his character is named Jack Harper instead of Jack Reacher. While watching the preview i realized that Tom Cruise cannot be stopped ever. He’s been playing the dashing lead for 30 years. He’ll probably do it for another 10, and then transition to playing the grizzled mentor, the aloof general, the aging hardass. He will continue. For a long time. In a few decades, i’ll be an oldish man. I’ll be having problems with my prostate and grey stubble and wrinkles, but wherever i am, Tom Cruise will still be in movies. I’ll be an old guy sitting in a theater, and i’ll see “Tom Cruise is… Jack Snatcher, Time Ninja. Fall, 2034. The Future is Unkillable.”

Tom Cruise. There’s no getting around him at this point.

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Anyway, Christmas is this week. All i know for certain is that Muna and i are going to watch the third Twilight movie. And she says she liked The Dark Knight Rises so much that she wants to see the first two, and that’s sexy.

Oh, here’s that cartoon i drew of her. Not sure when the others will be done. Me very busy.

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