05/31/2012

My feelings may never cease to confuse me. Foreign bodies reaching out through my chest, heat seeking, life seeking. They suck me dry and they thrive. They curl their vines around my ankles, their leaves cover my eyes. I become unrecognizable, even to myself. I don’t recognize the jealousy oozing from my pores, or the overwhelming sadness that washes over me like tidal waves in the evening. I don’t comprehend my stilted words when my tongue is stuck so deep in my throat, teeth catching, saliva sticking. The heat that covers me when I feel slighted by man or beast. Washing me from my head to my toes and depriving me of the chemicals that once made my brain work. The jilt is the most foreign to me yet the most at home in my body. I watch it come, step outside of myself and behold it taking over my every faculty. I can’t bear to be in myself at those times. Which is my reality? The sudden, deeply mournful feelings and thoughts or the bright, clear day? I can’t be sure which world I exist within. Torn between both, nothing makes for stability for the long term. A pain seeking missile. Always trying to go back to where I came from.