A note to my love

The following excerpt is the conversation I am having in my head with my boyfriend. This conversation needs to happen IRL.

Sin, you know that I love you and that you are a wonderful person that I enjoy having in my life. You treat me with kindness and respect, and I appreciate you spending what little time you have with me. I want to first say that one of the qualities that I admire about you is that you put your kids first. I never want you to feel guilty or think that I am upset because you wanted to finish a project for them or have to clean up their mess before your mom comes home. Hah! I’m always happy to step aside to allow you to do what you need to do for them. Always. I understand that life can be hectic and that spending time with me is sometimes impossible to do. There’s something that I want to talk about, and this might not be easy to discuss or feel comfortable to discuss. Yes, I am putting you on the spot!

I am bad at communicating, I always have been, but I want to start being better at it starting now. I am not sure if this is something that you’ve seriously thought about or wanted to discuss with me, but I am not entirely confident that I know what this relationship is or where you want it to go. When you are here with me, I feel happy, I am excited and everything feels perfect. I feel like it is the relationship I’ve always wanted and the you’re person I’ve always dreamt about. I have the feeling that you are happy with the way things are, and you don’t probably don’t want it to change. But that is me ‘guessing’. Are you happy that I am not part of your everyday life? Is this something you had thought about and decided the current situation works best for you? I would have preferred to know that. I would have appreciated you telling me that you had no future plans to progress this relationship with me. I don’t like guessing what you are thinking or what you’d like to do in the future. I would most certainly not want to put any pressure on you at all, I just simply want to know where your head is at concerning this relationship. It is only fair for me know so I can think about all of this.