01/03/2011

I am sick of expression through writing! I want a freaking human being to socialize with! I never realized how many deep people I surrounded myself with until I got married. I would have gone mad by now if I didn’t have my God to talk to. Until he learns how to not fear deep conversation, all I can do it pray and wait on God to take control of my husband. God knows what I’ve asked for if he doesn’t pay attention to you. How can a man fall asleep so easily? Night time is for slowing down, sharing thoughts, growing together. Something I never thought I wouldn’t do. I can’t believe how different we are in every way. I’m amazed at our goals and dreams are pleasant conversation for they are so much alike, and our beliefs on our relationship with God is the same in tune, and growing together in him. But everything else is black and white. We could not be anymore different! (Which is what a lot of couples say, I’m sure)

God knows what I would have done by now if this was me in the past. Why! Why is this happening!? What do I need to learn from this and I pray that I will learn it well. I still can not believe that there is human beings out there that are this unsociable. I thought it just needed some work but I can’t do anything more. He says he wants grow deep in conversation with me but until he stops fearing it and letting God take control, only under my strength will I make it worse. Its hard not to feel unloved by this. Is this why I should be on medication for the time being? Its interesting how I haven’t cared about his surface level conversations since I’ve been on it. Logic and staying focus is all I’ve really cared about lately. 

Thats my venting for the midnight hour.