Hooker With A Penis

That’s the name of a Tool song.

Guess who has a SECOND ROW ticket for Tool?  Guess?  That’s right muthafuckas, yours truly!  Feel free to leave jealous notes filled with rage at my luck for a friend’s hookups to a local radio station.

Coincidentally, I performed to that song on Saturday night.  Coincidentally because originally I had two other songs in mind to perform to but changed my mind at the last minute and ran through the new song once before performing it on stage.

For my number I stripped to reveal my silver cock and velvet harness and my tight chest binding, looking masculinized both top and bottom – yet revealing my naked cunt under my harness anytime I bent over with my ass to the audience, or lowered myself in a crouched position to jerk off.  This was in full-on stripper makeup, hair, and boots.  At one point I mouthed the words "Fuck you buddy" in time with the song and gave the audience both my middle fingers.  I spent the last 30 seconds to a minute of the song jerking off until "coming" at the climax.

I don’t think most people knew quite what to make of it.

To me, the entire performance was so fucking multi-layered that there’s no way anyone but me could really have gotten every element of it.

I met a boy wearing vans, 501s, and a
Dope beastie t, nipple rings, and
New tattoos that claimed that he
Was ogt,
From 92,
The first ep.

And in between
Sips of coke
He told me that
He thought
We were sellin out,
Layin down,
Suckin up
To the man.

Well now Ive got some
A-dvice for you, little buddy.
Before you point the finger
You should know that
Im the man,

And if Im the man,
Then youre the man, and
Hes the man as well so you can
Point that fuckin finger up your ass.

All you know about me is what Ive sold you,
Dumb fuck.
I sold out long before you ever heard my name.

I sold my soul to make a record,
Dip shit,
And you bought one.

So Ive got some
Advice for you, little buddy.
Before you point your finger
You should know that
Im the man,
If Im the fuckin man
Then youre the fuckin man as well
So you can
Point that fuckin finger up your ass.

All you know about me is what Ive sold you,
Dumb fuck.
I sold out long before you ever heard my name.

I sold my soul to make a record,
Dip shit,
And you bought one.

All you read and
Wear or see and
Hear on tv
Is a product
Begging for your
Fatass dirty
Dollar

So…shut up and

Buy my new record
Send more money
Fuck you, buddy.