Answer Time II

1) I’d like you to write a haiku about America.

For you?  Of course:

Democracy? Ha ha ha.
Disregard for life
You make the whole world feel ill

2) What bands/singers would play at shim-fest? You get one headliner and five opening bands. Let’s hear it.

My headliner would have to be Madonna – I have always admired Madonna for her shock value, open approach to sexuality, and independence.  I respect her as a person and as a trailblazer.  She’s my freakin’ hero.

For my 5 opening acts:
The Pixies
Tool
Marilyn Manson
Peaches
and just to keep things interesting, Eminem.

3) Tell me a short story about a stupid client of yours. I love those.

One of my favourites is the one about the opium dealers.  I once went on a call with a friend where we arrived at a hotel room to entertain a couple of Middle Eastern guys.  We ended up spending the entire hour just chatting and entertaining them – we giggled, we laughed, and we flirted.  I sat on one guy’s lap, and my friend sat next to the other one.  They kept saying that we should really get the party started and we would agree… and proceed to make further conversation by either making a joke or asking a question.  We ended up killing all our time just chatting, and just as my shirt and pants had finally come off… the phone rang.  Time check – unless they want to extend the session by another hour, we gotta go.  We left their hotel room laughing our asses off as they argued between each other about whose fault it was that they had fucked up.

It’s midnight. You have one full can of red spray-paint and a large, blank wall that faces a major center of commerce, thus ensuring maximum visibility to many, many people. What would you write/draw on the wall?

My current favourite:

Thanks for answering my question. Another one..(no offense intended) Since we are a nation of ex-cons, renegades, ruffians, and immigrants, do you think Americans give a damn about what anyone else thinks?

Whether or not they do is irrelevant – the point is that they should.  With China rising as a superpower, a botched war in Iraq, daily threats to Iran, and North Korea deadset on gaining nuclear capability and currently in talks with Venezuela (an oil power and a socialist nation led by Hugo Chavez), Americans would be wise to wake the fuck up.  While American ignorance and arrogance has long been an issue for the rest of the world, it could well become an issue for Americans themselves in the next few short years.