Me Hearties

Are ye tired o’ all those mushy "friendship" poems that always sound good but ne’er actually come close t’ reality?

Well, here be a "friendship" poem that really speaks t’ true friendship ‘n
truth itself!

Me Hearty,

When ye be sad, …I shall get ye drunk ‘n help ye plot revenge against th’ sorry ba*tard who made ye sad.

When ye be blue, …I’ll try t’ dislodge whatever be chokin’ ye.

When ye smile, …I’ll know ye finally got laid.

When ye be scared, …I shall rag ye about it every chance I get.

When ye be worried, …I shall tell ye horrible tales about how much worse it could be ‘n t’ quit whinin’.

When ye be confused, …I shall use little words t’ explain it t’ yer squiffy arse.

When ye be sick, …stay away from me ’til ye’re well again. I don’t wants whatever ye ‘ave.

When ye fall, …I shall point ‘n laugh at yer clumsy arse.

’tis me oath, …I pledge ’til th’ end.

Why ye may ask? ’cause ye’re me hearty!