Too Much

I have now seen Joe 6 days in 7. I need a break. Too fast for me. He’s sweet, there are a couple of red flags, and after a long ass talk with my therapist, we have decided I shouldn’t end it, but take no steps forward for a week or two, just let things settle. I feel way too much like I’m walking into a Nick situation again.

He is in too sensitive a place for this, because it feels like he’s falling really fast and that is not at all what I want. He’s going back to school next semester, he just lost a friend, starting a new mma team, dislocated his shoulder yesterday, which led to him taking one tylonel with codine…and then drinking that night with me. Which is fine, but worries me as an ex addict. He said today he wasn’t taking anymore because he didn’t want to get addicted again, but still a bit worrisome. Not the situation I need to be in right now, which is why I don’t want it to move farther than it already has for a while. That and the potential move I have in the future.

Talked to all of my ex’s night before last, Chris Smith Chris Grigg, and Crispy. I got drunk and wanted to ask Chris Smith if he remembered Joe. All numbers were code named in my phone, so I texted all three to find out which one was Smith. I’ve undone that now so I don’t do that again…Chris Smith is still a tool, said he’s sorry we didn’t get to be together the way I wanted, but he’d warned me. So I scolded him, trying AGAIN to drill into his head that I was pissed he wasn’t my friend, not that we didn’t date. Then I was like, fuck it, you’re dumb and I’m gonna regret this tomorrow.

Then Grigg and I were texting a bit, he kinda apologized, and then…admitted he’d meant it when he said I love you. That he’s sorry he hurt me. Dang it I still like him, but am sooo glad he’s not around or I’d be confused.

Crispy is smarter than I gave him credit for. He realized I never wanted to talk to him again and has been staying away from me. Good guy.