The Hell that is My Brain

My mind is on fire. I started sobbing in the car on the way to work. I remember. I remember too much. I want to forget. I don’t like thinking about what I didn’t say, about not asking about how she felt about dying, about whether she wanted it to go quickly, or was fighting to stay alive. I don’t know. Bring her back. Now. I need my mom dammit.

School is messed up. Anthro said they absolutely don’t move classes, no matter what. Basically that I’m an idiot. I have two more to try. Right now, I wish Keith was here. I need to kick and scream and cry and he always was the best at that. It’s a 20 hour drive. I could be there tomorrow.

I really want to hurt. Physical pain always helps. And to stop eating. Gonna hide with video games tonight. Since he can’t see me.