Still Teetering

Still teetering on the edge of a massive breakdown. I just need to get through school. I’m so stressed. And last night I had a weird dream…it really makes me sad. It wasn’t a bad dream…but I dreamed about my family. And…I didn’t dream about my mom. It’s so…sad. She’s my mom. But my subconscious cut her out. I don’t want that. I don’t want her to be gone. I need her so bad right now and I think that’s really what’s been getting to me. My dad keeps wanting me to talk to my god mom, and I love her and she’s such a wonderful person and my mom’s best friend…but she isn’t my mom. She’s not trying to replace her, but it just feels wrong. I want my mom.

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It’s not wrong to talk to someone that is close to your mom. In fact because of her closeness, that would make me feel more comfortable talking to her, and sharing with her, the two of you would really bring your mom that much closer. You’re done after this semester aren’t you? You can do this Jessica. Life piles on the **** sometimes, and it sucks digging ourselves out of it and findingour way to sunshine and smiles but you can do it.

October 20, 2012

:(( i can’t imagine living without a parent. you’re being so strong and she’s watching you and guiding you even if you don’t feel like it right now. love you.

October 26, 2012

i really don’t like dreaming about family… it seems so real! you are being so strong. Just gotta get through these next few weeks and you will be able to have a break. You can do this!