Personal

So no matter what, I always lose my head a little when my period is rather irregular. This time, I can’t consciously remember getting it since July 10th. So a few days ago, I suddenly realized that, and instantly started to panic. Yes, it’s irrational, as it’s 99.99% unlikely. Yes, stress and exercise and emotional complications will delay it and make it all wonky, but I still instantly wonder if I’m pregnant. I talked to three different girls about it, more, hey did I mention in any of my crying jags being PMSy? Not super over dramatically, just trying to figure out if I just didn’t really register it or if I legit skipped it. Still no idea, but I got it and I’m fine.

Problem. Every time it happens, I start thinking about what if I am, what would I do. And it makes me a bit happy. To think of having a child and…well being a family with Chris. Which leads to realizing I don’t have that. I know, I’m too young, this is all for a reason. Bullshit. I had a good thing, it could have been the rest of my life, and I lost it.