Other shoe dropped.
Well. House sort of sold. We accepted an offer. Hypothetical closing on 10/31. I’m terrified. I can’t afford rent anywhere, and my dad wants to move somewhere I can’t without a job down there. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Oh, and my god father died. My sort of grandparents are really sick too, and not expected to live long. I’m losing fucking everything.
Tried to start a conversation with Chris. He responded after three days, but sent one text and was done. Which is apparently how he treats his other friends, but I’m not okay with that. That’s not wanting to be friends, that is not wanting to feel guilty. I told him if he ever wants to, we need to talk in person, but it’s all in his court.
I apply for a new job almost every day, and nothing. Well one lady called, but was offering temp work, and I can’t give up health insurance for that. I’m fucking broke. I don’t know what to do.
These past two months have been…the worst of my life. Worse than losing my mom. Because I knew that people would be there, that she didn’t want to go, that it was time for her to stop suffering. This has no end in sight, I have no control. And I’m alone. There is no one to go to, no one to fall apart to, no one to take care of me.
I’ve failed.
This isn’t about your personal failure. You can’t help the US economy. I know people in the states that have been out of work for years now, and they, like you, apply for jobs every day. If there were jobs, you would get one, but when the market is saturated with applicants, it’s a lot harder for you to get a job, it’s not your own personal failing. Hell I’ve been applying for jobs up here, not every day, but at least 2-3/week, and I don’t even get a pfo e-mail, I usually get no response, and I have excellent experience and credentials. My coworker likes to think it’s because I don’t have a degree, I disagree, I think it’s that there are a lot of people looking for work and people can have their pick of the litter, even up here in our province where the economy is supposedly good. I’m sorry that Chris doesn’t have an interest in communication. There’s no point in pursuing anything, it seems like he is interested in a clean break and the “friends” statement was for show. A lot of people say that without meaning it and I’m sorry he is one of those people. I’m going to start sending my energy your way, so you can find a job to help you
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afford to pay rent. Do you want to stay where you are? You mentioned moving to be closer to your sister? You don’t seem to have a lot holding you in your current city, why not move and start over? Sometimes I think of doing that, but I have more roots. At least you’d be close to your neice and could offer to babysit and give your sister some nights out 🙂 Sadly I learned a long time ago that the only person that can take care of us is ourselves. I wish that there were more people to fall back on, but there isn’t. A lot of times many people are in the same boat, just trying to keep their heads above the water. You aren’t alone in that, I think a lot of people don’t really have anyone to turn to. It’s sad really because if we were a society of acceptance and one that supported one another, it sure would be a positive time to live.
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*hugs*
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