July 10, 2013

Letting Go

So we put the house up for sale yesterday. This has been so hard. I’m always one to attach to "stuff," which I know isn’t what matters, but it doesn’t make it any less difficult to let go of. I had to purge so much in order to be ready to list the house. It’s living in a showroom now.

To be honest, it was like losing my mom all over again. Pawing through her stuff, forcing myself to give it up, to donate this, resell that, and throw away even more. Rearranging the room she died in. The room she last said I Love You in.

There was so much more too it, though. It’s like I said goodbye to me. Books I’ve had for years, maybe not read in years, but too much stuff. Bears and blankets and books and crafts and old art projects and random craft supplies, all gone now. Still too much. Had to pear down my mementos too. That was like reliving my entire life in highlights and lows.

Goodbye, Childhood.

How do orphans survive? I don’t have the money to support myself alone. No way. Marriage/live-in partners make so much more sense to me now. How else do you live in this economy?

Where am I going to live? I can’t even make that choice until we sell. Or get an offer.

Life is scary.

At least I have a few friends left, a boy who really is a great guy, and family that is disfunctional but caring.

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Other note. Guys. AUDIBLE NOW CARRIES GREAT COURSES!!! I’m listening to Skepticism 101 and Practicing Mindfulness. It’s like cheap college!!!

Mrs. Tiny Duckie

July 11, 2013

*Hugs* I can’t even imagine.

A lady I know did the Practicing Mindfulness Meditation and she loved it. I have moved so much and this is the 3rd property I’ve now bought, that it’s hard to get really attached. I still do, like our house that I lived in for most of my childhood. I still drive by it and feel a pang. I never got attached to the first house I bought because Ash really tarnished that whole experience. Same with the 2nd condo I bought because I lived in a hell hole of a small city that smelled bad and people were terrible. This next house, I can see me getting really attached to though. It’s hard figuring it all out and I know what you mean about the economy. Even up here, house prices and rent is so high that it’s really hard to do things on ones own unless one has a very high income. My coworkers make close to 70K a year, they can afford it but I couldn’t even think of renting a one bedroom on my own unless I didn’t have any debt.