Holiday Update

Lost a few friends, skipped my Aunt’s Thanksgiving, got bossed around by brother and father who were "teaching me to cook," went to Target at 9pm for "Black Friday" and returned to Dad’s Saturday to drive to Chicago to be with my non related family. Watched the movie.

It was…awesome.

Sad, missing her, but we got through it as a family, I got myself presents (a tablet for $85, and a super soft sweater).

As to the friends, Wednesday and Thursday I was falling apart, and Andy started texting. Well he sent a generic "Happy Thanksgiving" that I was too busy with cooking to respond to, then a random one hours later that is one of those STUPID random texts that is fake the middle of a conversation, except there was no conversation to begin with, so sending "and then he found out and I bet he was Flabergasted! What do you think?" and followed hours later with "Well fine. I see." For the last two…I was asleep. The first he sent at midnight, the second at eight am. So was I ignoring him? No. It was the Holidays…and I was exhausted, and not exactly chatty as I was sad and lonely and yet busy. So I didn’t respond for a bit on Friday, as I was driving back to my apartment and before that raking for my dad. I get home, and up pops a facebook status:

"Alright (name withheld), I can take a hint. No response from you to any communication attempts for the past week. I don’t know why but i’m done wondering. Ball is on your side of the net."

We’d talked Monday, told him I was busy Wednesday and Thursday, and maybe free Friday, but may in hiding as I was thinking I was going to fall apart or just want to be alone. He then didn’t text me again until the above mentioned. I got super upset by this, but held my tongue…until my friends started texting me, because even with name withheld they knew it was me. So I texted him, as I don’t think it should be a public matter. I got a bit snippy, saying something like, "Well maybe Name Withheld’s mother fucking DIED a year ago, and she’s sad and lonely and with her family and hiding from the world, and if you aren’t married to family or blood related, I haven’t seen anyone this week except my roommates in passing! But thanks for the status."

He then backtracked, said he was just trying to offer me public support, that he just wants to know what I want from him, that he wants to be there for me. Which is not how that reads. I told him, that I wanted to be alone, and not have passive aggressive statuses adding to my stress right now. Then I stopped responding cause I was pissed, and angry texting gets me nowhere. He followed up with 3 more texts about letting me be alone, that he was here for me, and that he was going to stop bothering me, let me have my space. 3 texts to leave me alone. Not one liners…lllooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggg paragraphs. Men. Anywho, I went, took a bath, and came out to watch Return to Me and remember how much my mom and I loved it. He calls. Super long voicemail, admitting the status was angry when written, inappropriate, that he’s leaving me alone, letting me come to him (obviously lol) and that he hopes we can work it out. I just…I don’t know how often I have to tell him I can’t date him, that I can’t handle that in the place I’m in, that I need time and space and friends and no pressure, and he just keeps adding to the stress. I don’t need more stress.

Then today, I realize I haven’t heard from Travis in a month, he isn’t responding to last night’s texts, previous voicemail, or today’s random text…and he defriended me from facebook. I asked our mutual friend, she says she has no clue what is going on, cause I’ve not even seen him in months, and I’m the one who’d call him every week or so to try and hang out, and our schedules just never line up. So I’m upset about that one, cause I love him as my friend and I want him back.

Katherine also basically smacked down my idea to come visit her, saying that her schedule is set til February, which means I can’t come see her. I was like…so you don’t have a single day off? Cause I’m not looking to stay with you, just drop by for a night, see you…Whatever. No one returns my friendship. I get chased or I have to chase. Never can meet half way. If I come towards them, they either pull away for take me for everything.

I love my non related family. I love Maureen and Bridget and Tracy and Tom, Mendy, Lindy, and Emmy. I love Annie and Dave, Sylvia and her son Will, Grandma and Grandpa Brewer, my brothers, my sister, my sister in law, my daddy, my aunts, uncle, cousins…and little miss Avery Leigh.