Help Please!

I don’t know what to do with my life. The dust has settled and its time to move forward. Cara is moving out, subletting. I now want to too. To get away from strangers. Idk I feel to fragile for a stranger. But that’d mean quitting my job and moving home, since I don’t have the savings to put a deposit down somewhere else. Do I just suck it up til the lease runs out, so I have time to find things, or bail now? Do I move home with my father and go crazy? Do I then try to commute to Rochelle, stick it out so when he opens new properties, I can get interior design work? It’s an hour drive…I’m just so confused about what I want and what to do and its time to decide.

So, in regards to my previous post, Chris from the hotel made me hurt a bit. He’d been flirting, coming to see me, and so sweet. I’d told him I still had feelings for him, and he said he liked me to. So he called me last night, my birthday, and chatted, talked about missing me and when he’d visit…then I asked how he was doing, and he said much better now that he’d realized his lowered sex drive was due to stress, and that the girl he’s been screwing the past two months was very relieved.

Happy Fucking Birthday to me. I only like boys who are giant assholes. I thought being upfront about the fact that I still had feelings for him was the way to go so this didn’t happen, so he could be upfront too and say hey I like you as a friend, but I’m seeing other people, or hey I still like you too, but I’m sleeping with this girl…no he just said, I really like you too. I told him I didn’t think I could be friends with him. I had been drinking, and I just…I can’t be around people who don’t understand and work around my feelings. Not right now.

I’m just an idiot. I need to start a new life.