Beautiful days make me cry.

Spent last night with Keith. Made it a night to remember always. There were moments of alienation, where he was clearly pulling away from me. But…we went swimming and sat in the hot tub…and it was my Keith again. The soft smile, the playfulness…dunking me in the pool and cuddling me close. I cried like mad when he left the next morning. He was mad at me for crying 🙂 God I’m going to miss him…goodbyes suck. I think I love him. But I don’t think he is truly what I need. There were moments when…I needed to be held and he didn’t know. Moments he was too close he didn’t read. Holding him was wonderful and I think we could be happy but I think I need to cry and kick and scream and cry some more…and let him go. I think. When will I find real love? I know I need time to be alone and be happy, and I can be. I think it’s just…coming close makes it hurt, because it’s still not working.

This is something I started writing to myself in class. I want to a trigger for myself.

I promise. I promise to be me. I promise to act as I want others to see me. I promise to always honor my needs in all areas of my life. I will combat my stress though art and exercise. I will treat my body like the temple it is. I will give myself my best chance for a future by saving money, exercising, and eating healthy home cooked meals. I promise to remain strong, to keep my heart from those who don’t deserve it. I promise to live in a manner my mother would approve of, and making up for it when I fall short. I promise to find something I want to give my all too and chase it with everything I have. I promise to fight thorugh the rough times and stay disciplined when it feels easy.

Anyone think of anymore to add?