We’re as doomed. As doomed. Can be.

My worst fears have come true. Not-Very-New Person J announced yesterday that… she’s found another job. This is certainly no surprise, as Insane Boss has done everything in her power to drive J away, but it means that I am totally and completely doomed. In keeping with the general air of not discussing anything with us, Insane Boss has only mentioned J’s impending departure in a very roundabout way. By asking if I can post her job description on the job board. Which no I can’t, that’s something Insane Boss has to do, but I digress.

J is giving a two week notice, and if she has to leave this is the best possible time to do it – after the major work in placing the fall student teachers has begun and before the next semester gets wound up – but …. I’m doomed. I am going to have to behave in a way very uncharacteristic to me and tell Insane Boss that NO, I will NOT take on ANY of J’s duties. And I’m not transforming into her personal assistant. I’m sorry if things don’t get done, or that – horrors! – she is forced to take one or two breaths all by herself, but it’s not my problem. She’s cut her own throat by making J’s life utter misery. I don’t say NO very well, but I’m just going to have to develop a spine.

Now I’ll get to share my office with someone ELSE who will not know how to do anything and will ask me ten zillion questions constantly just when this one has gotten to where she kind of knows what she’s doing. And will be a yakker, no doubt.  

At least this has goaded me into finally doing an application online, and there’s a job posted that I’m going to apply for. It’s something I didn’t think I’d much care for when jobs have opened there in the past – mostly it’s just dealing with undergrad files and doing graduation checks – but now it’s looking pretty darned good. I often have dealings with that office, and I do some similar stuff here. Who knows – I might have a chance. It’s a lateral move but I’m ready to do anything to get out of here. Who cares if it’s boring?? I’m sick to death of stress, drama, and doom. Boring sounds fine to me.

Well, I don’t want to think about it. And I don’t want to slog through any more of the piles of papers on my desk. So I’ll just do a very random and strange survey stolen from the lovely Haredawg. Who incidentally had hysterical answers. His were so funny that I had to wait quite some time to try it myself.

1. Are any of your toes on your foot connected? Only to the rest of my foot.

2. Which do you use more, a pen or pencil?  A pen. Although since turning into a Sudoku addict, I’ve been buying lots of pencils. Buying and losing and buying more.  

3. Look at your planner for June 30th. Ummmm… okay! Nothing planned that day, but it IS a Saturday. This year, anyhow. My planner doesn’t go any farther than that.

4. Do you use toothpaste?  Twice a day. I would like to know what’s happened to Rembrandt, though. The "intense stain" formula used to get my teeth all nice and relatively white, and suddenly it’s quit working. It also totally changed packaging so I suspect formula change. I’ve switched to Arm And Hammer.

5. What was the last thing you dreamed about? I had really odd dreams last night. Now I don’t remember what was going on. I was with a bunch of people, and somehow my job was involved. Shocking, I know. I think it had something to do with this new job that I am TRYING not to get my hopes up over.

6. What color is your bedroom carpet?  Kind of a goldish-beige. It’s not at all attractive. I want new carpet.

7. How many passengers does your car hold?   Four comfortably, five in a pinch. Three if it’s me and Baker B and Baker B’s mother and everyone’s luggage going to Atlanta.  We seldom find ourselves with passengers, though.

8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?   I had a black cat who, as a kitten, had white hairs all over her. It was very odd, and very cute. Kim had a black and white cat when we were roommates, so I’ve shared a house with one.

9. What is your favorite canned soup?  I have to vote for Progresso. It’s WAY better than Campbells.

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Russia?  Not personally, although my mother’s grandfather was a Russian immigrant. And Baker B’s cousin has two children who were adopted from Russia.  

11. Did you ever go into a room and forget what you went in there for?  Only every five minutes. Kind of like I’ve gone into this survey and forgotten why.

12. Who is the last baby that you held?  The adorable happy Claire, Baker B’s niece’s very very cute baby.

13. Do you know all the words to "The Star-Spangled Banner"?  I doubt I know all of them. Maybe the first couple of stanzas, but I think there are quite a few.

14. Do you have any moles?  Our yard is full of moles. I have a few on my skin, too.

15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?  The same kind I’m driving right now. A Civic.

16. Pick one, having an STD or sharing a bed with Michael Jackson? WHAT???? Ummmmm, how about neither????

17. Last time you went to a zoo? This morning. Unless you’re using "zoo" in the traditional sense. In that case….years. Maybe when I lived in DC. We used to go to the Washington Zoo on occasion.

18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house? Sadly, yes. I have very unattractive red, blue and white striped wallpaper in the spare room, which I have planned to get rid of for, oh, NINE YEARS. I did at least get rid of the wallpaper in the bathroom and paint it. Now of course the paint is all coming off so I need to paint it again. I’m not very good – or quick – with my home improvement projects.

19. Closest thing to you that is plaid? I am not spotting a single bit of plaid. At one time I had an old undergraduate catalog around with a plaid cover, but even that is gone.

20. Last person to give you a hickey? WHAT??????? What kind of survey IS this??

21. Who is the last person who wrote you a check?  Not the last one to give me a hickey! I think the last person to write me a check was me. I wrote myself a check to pay myself back for the groceries I bought my parents last time I was home. I think my father has finally come to understand that it’s much easier for me to pay for their groceries with my card and then write myself a check from his account later than it is for him to try finding the cash to give me before I go.

22. How many unframed pictures do you have in your house?  I can’t even make a guess. If it includes photos, it would be in the millions.

23. Last time you had a date that began with dinner and ended with lunch? I think that would be…. never.

<strong>24. Have you ever applied for a job where the waitresses wear shorty shorts and halters? If only you could hear me snorting with suppressed laughter!! Ummm.. again, never. I don’t think there’s much danger of having to wear that uniform as long as I stick to campus jobs.

25. How many pairs of underwear do you have?  A lot?? Again, no idea. Not MILLIONS, but a drawerful. Drawerful!! HAHAHAHAHA!!

26. Last time you received flowers?   Probably when I had surgery. My office sent me a very nice flower arrangement. Oh, so did Baker B’s niece, which was very unexpected and thoughtful.

27. Do you play with your hair? Play what with it? Lacrosse? The xylophone???

28. Do you take anything in your coffee? Only extra caffeine.

29. Do you have any marshmallows? I DO have some marshmallows, as a matter of fact. I have a half a bag of miniature marshmallows. I just found them the other day, in the back of the cabinet. I can’t remember why I bought them, although I must have made something with them at, ummmmm, Christmas. Maybe even Thanksgiving. They are still remarkably fresh.

30. Who was your high school’s most popular female? Certainly not me.

Okay, there are TWENTY MORE QUESTIONS. I am officially starting to skip.

34. How many entry ways are there into your living room? There’s the front door, the patio door, the downstairs sliding door, the chimney if you’re very teeny, the livingroom windows if you’re an acrobat… and really pretty much any other window in the house which you could climb through and then stroll into the livingroom. Are you, like, planning to break into my house??

35. Last thing you read? The Charlotte paper. The first part, anyhow. The last book I read – which I’m still reading very very veeeeery slowly-  is Wish You Well. It’s by David Baldacci who is ordinarily a suspense writer, apparently. It’s an interesting story – a girl in the 1940s who moves from New York to a remote mountain town in Virginia to live with her great-grandmother. But sadly his writing is massively clunky and very irritating. He reminds me very much of Dan Brown – I guess it’s that whole suspense writer background. In that he has to tell you every single thing that happens, so you always feel like you’re not IN the story – you’re sitting there having a third person tell the story to you. If that makes sense. I can’t seem to finish slogging my way through it.

39. What is the last thing you stapled? A whole bunch of licensure applications I got today. That I need to get back to NOW.

45. Last time you parked under a carport? My parents have a carport, so that would be last time I visited. I guess that’s a very old fashioned thing to have.

50. When is the last time you saw a transvestite? Okay, I just have to steal Haredawg’s answer, because it can not be topped. "I don’t saw them; I just pull coins from their ears."

I’m done!!! Yay!!!!!!