not from around here

I saw this "Southern Survey" on another diary and swiped it. Apparently I have nothing better to do – or at least nothing that doesn’t involve getting off the couch – so, here ya go:

1. Have you ever gone muddin’?
I have failed the first question by having no idea what "muddin" is.

2. Have you ever lived on a dirt/gravel road?
I have lived on many dirt roads. Including the one I grew up on. Which was actually paved halfway to our house, then the pavement just ended. With a big bump that was great fun to drive fast over. My father and some of the neighbors used to put oil on the dirt part in the summer to keep the dust down. It would turn the road all black and icky. Now that I think of it, I’ve never heard of anyone else oiling the road.

3. Ever been swimming in a lake or river?
I have, but I’m not sure that’s an exclusively southern thing. Thang.

4. Ever been to a bonfire party?
A what??

5. Have you ever driven a tractor?
I have indeed driven a tractor.

6. Have you ever been on a horse?
I sure have. We had a couple of horses when I was growing up. I used to ride all the time. I miss that – I can’t even think of the last time I rode a horse, which is very sad.

7. Ford or Chevy?
Neither. Give me a Honda any day. The worst cars I ever had were Fords. The worst cars I ever had were all American. That’s a very un-Southern sentiment.

8. Kissed someone in a pick up?
Not that I recall.

9. What’s your favorite country song?
EWWWW EWWWWW EWWWWW EWWWWW!!!! That’s how I feel about country songs. Ok, I DO like Patsy Cline. And I can tolerate really old country.

10. Ever done 90 miles per hour down a dirt road?
I don’t think so.

11. Worked / Lived on a farm?
I grew up on a teeny tiny little mini-farm. We had cows, horses, chickens, cats and dogs. And several acres of land. It wasn’t really a farm, but we did have a tractor!

12. Been to a rodeo?
No

13. Do you own cowboy boots?
I did when I was 8 or 9.

14. Do you have a cowboy hat?
Again – when I was  8 or 9 I had a cowboy hat. It was black. I just loved it.

15. Have you ever said git r done?
I can’t imagine under what circumstances I would ever find myself saying "get r done". How do you even say "r"?? Isn’t that, like, what pirates say?

16. Country skyline or a city skyline?
I like both. I’d have to say I prefer country. I do love visiting cities, though.

17. Can you name a rodeo star?
Sideshow Bob? Oh, wait – that’s the Simpsons. No. I can’t.

18. Do you think tractors are sexy?
Tractors??? Ummmm…..no.

19. Ever rode a 4-wheeler?
No, Bad Grammar Survey, I ain’t never rode no 4-wheeler.

20. Are you from the country?
It was the country when I was growing up. Now MegaMansions have sprouted all over every field. There’s very little non-developed land left.

21. If so, are you proud of it?
Yeeeeeehaw!!!!!!!!!!!

22. Gone hunting?
No, I’m lying right here on the couch, typing on my computer. I just can’t work up much enthusiasm for shooting animals.

23. Gone fishing?
See 22. I always hated fishing. It was booooring, boooooring, BOOOORING — then if you did finally catch something, it was horrifying and gruesome.

24. Is your heart in Dixie?
It better not be. It’s much too late to be out wandering around alone, and I’m kind of still using it.

25. Been on a hay ride?
I have been. I started to say long ago, but actually we rode the hay ride things down from the Oz Festival last year. It was like the Hayride From Hell – we went jouncing crazily down this mountain, and there was nothing to hang onto, and I was on the very last end haybale hanging out over thin air, and it was REALLY scary. I thought hay rides were quaint and gentle and fun. Of course, it could have just been me. Nobody else seemed the least bit alarmed.

26. Have you ever line danced?
Hahahahahah!!!

27. Camped under the stars?
As opposed to camping under the roof? I have been camping, many times. Not in years, though. I’ve grown old and prefer a bed, electricity, and not having to hike to the bathroom.

28. Have you ever been cow tipping?
No, but I knew boys in high school who did. That’s very mean.

29. Do you drive a pick up truck?
Not currently, but we had several when I was growing up. And Baker B and I had a teeny cute red Isuzu several years ago.

30. Fell asleep in a hay stack?
I don’t think so, but we used to play in the bales of hay. And I’d always be sick with allergies afterwards.

32. Drank Moonshine?
I have tasted it, yes.

33. Include the word "yonder" in your daily vocabulary?
"Do you reckon them thar kittens over yonder are gonna knock them plants down?" Oh – no, I don’t ordinarily say yonder.

34. Ever shoveled manure?
Not that I recall. And I think I’d recall that.

35. Milked a cow?
I have milked a cow.

36. Plucked a chicken?
Ewww. Yes, I have, and it is NOT pretty. My parents raised chickens to eat. So periodically they’d wring some chickens’ necks, dunk them in boiling water, and pluck them. We had to help with the plucking. I haven’t thought about that in years, and am regretting having thought about it now. There’s a lot to be said for city life, at least when it comes to dinnertime.

37. Is sweet tea your favorite drink?
No, but I like sweet tea. I like unsweetened tea too.

38. Been to a race?
I’m sure this means car race, since this is All About the South. No. I have not.

39. Know all the words to at least one David Allen Coe song?
I have no idea who he even is. 

Oh, thank god – that’s it! Apparently I hit "paste" about three times, so it looked like this was going on for another week- what a relief!