is guava a donut?

It’s a quiet night here in Surrealworld. Baker B is listening to a CD he just bought by a group called Renaldo and the Loaf, while watching a documentary about Elvis impersonators with the sound turned off. It’s a peculiar combination. I’d never heard of Renaldo and the Loaf, but they are so similar to The Residents that we suspect they are the same people. With their voices sped up. He found it used at the offbeat video store, but I think we should make a copy and sell it since they only have two at Amazon, starting at $100. I am not sure why this is such a pricey CD. He paid $7.00.  Looking them up on Wikipedia, I see they are an English duo made up of a pathologist and an architect, and their music is often considered strange. They were on the same label as The Residents – Ralph Records.

I have no idea why I’m going on and on about them. I was looking at the lyrics and liked "Is Guava A Donut?" but never did recognize the song. "Strange" is an understatement. I can’t even begin to describe them. 

Obviously, I’m a little bored. Thanks to dial-up it’s taking way too long to read anybody else’s entries, so I’ll just do a swiped survey. A looooooooong swiped survey.  We’ll see how far I get.

1. Height? As in mine? Around 5’8 or so apparently. I’ve already told the "thought I was 5′ 9 1/2 my whole adult life and am now traumatized" story several times.
2. Do you have a pool at your house? Just the ones that form when the roof leaks.
3. Do you own a gun? I have a glue gun and a staple gun. No bullet-guns.
4. Favorite color? All the variations of purple.
5. Do you get nervous before a doctor’s appointment? I do now. I get really really really nervous.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? That I want one every year or so. If that often.
7. What’s your favorite Chrismas song? This is very unseasonable. Robert Earl Keen’s "Merry Christmas From the Family. Because it’s hilarious.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?  Coffee, coffee, coffee and a little more coffee.
9. Can you do push-ups?  I can do about one real one. I can do quite a few of the girly ones, though.
10. What would you name your daughter if you were about to have one? Probably Astonisharia.
11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? I have a lot of earrings I love. And several necklaces. I guess my very favorite is my amathyst engagement ring.
12. Favorite magazine? Cooking Light. Like I ever cook. Well, I do occasionally. I like to read about cooking.
13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? Hahhahahahahaha!!!! Secret weapon – that’s a good one!  
14. Favorite candy? Chocolate anything. The darker and more bitter, the better.
15. Name the last 3 things you bought. Mushrooms, artichokes and cashews.
16. What is your favorite cartoon? Probably Space Ghost. Or Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Or Spongebob.
17. Do you recycle? Yes. Sadly the garbage people quit doing recycling so we have to haul it off ourselves and of course we let it pile up until it’s a complete embarrassment.
18. Favorite place to be? Right now, I’d say Charleston. Because it’s warm and pretty and historic and full of fun stuff and lots of walking. And dude, it’s SNOWING here right now. That was a little shocking – it’s been fairly warmish all week. I looked out about 7 and it was snowing.
19. Do you own slippers? My mother-in-law often gives me slippers, but I never wear them. I wear big thick fuzzy slipper socks. I’ve recently made a Salvation Army run so I don’t think I currently have any slippers. I’m sure she’ll remedy that soon.
20. What color shirt are you wearing? I’m wearing a black velour zip up … thing. Yes, it’s loungewear. I’m SUCH a fashion plate. It’s warm.
21. Do you burn or tan? I wear sunscreen now I’m old and worried about skin damage and wrinkles and cancer.  
22. What color is your couch? Oh, it’s a VERY unattractive green and beigeish and coffee-stained… mess. Our couch is a very old sectional thing that’s actually kind of interesting – it has these weird armrests that fold and unfold, which don’t work very well sadly. It’s very fifties. It’s wood frames with cushions, which I covered YEARS ago. With sheets. Of all things. Sheets that are a kind of batik print. That worked surprisingly well but now they look AWFUL. And I do mean hideous. I bought some actual fabric to cover them in again not long ago, and even got all industrious and covered one. It’s light grey and white and kind of mottled purples. Naturally, being the start-projects-get-bored-drop-them person I am, I still haven’t done the rest.

23. Do you like to go camping? I used to. We camped quite a bit when I was growing up. Sadly I’ve grown too accustomed to hot showers that you don’t have to hike to, and electricity. Campgrounds are always noisy, too. Yes, I’m spoiled.
24. Funniest movie ever? For some reason, Raising Arizona springs immediately to mind. I don’t know if it’s the funniest movie ever, but it’s awfully funny. So’s The Full Monty.
25.What did you dream last night? I had this really odd dream – I was lying on the couch reading, and our neighbor came to the door. He said, "Do you think he’ll mind this?" and gestured out at my yard. I thought, okay, why is he not referring to Baker B by his name?? And then I looked out at the yard. The neighbor had parked his cars on our lawn. I was starting to say, "Well, yes, Dan,  I DO think he’ll mind you parking in our yard…." then I realized he’d torn down our fence AND made a sidewalk coming from his house to ours. It ended before it got to our door and was very wide. I said, "You tore down our fence!!! Why did you do that??" and he started giving me all these reasons he had to tear our fence down. I told him I really liked the fence, and REALLY wanted him to put it back but he said he didn’t think he’d be able to do that. He was very evasive about it. Then the next thing I knew, all these people were parking in our yard, and driving through our yard and using our yard to turn around in. 

These are very nice neighbors, but he does have a tendency to sprawl. He’s got four vehicles and a big trailer thing that he uses for the trash service he started up awhile back. They keep parking in weird places because they only have space for two vehicles and he did have it parked in our spare spot for awhile That’s not technically OURS, but is the dead-end spot where we park when we need an extra space. They also have two verycute and incredibly noisy kids, and are expecting another. I think I am feeling crowded. 

26) Favorite channel(s)? I hardly watch anything – BBC America, IFC, and Comedy Central very occasionally. Bravo, although it’s gotten pretty worthless. I do like the Documentary Channel that we’ve just started getting. I had to figure out where ABC is when we got hooked on Lost, that’s how little I watch TV.  
27) What’s your main ringtone on your mobile? I love my ringtone – Tom Waits, "Tom Trubert’s Blues." It rarely rings, but is great fun when he starts wailing "Waltzing Matilda, Waaaaaaaaaaaltzing Matilda…" It always makes Baker B scream "AAGGHH!!!! Turn it off, TURN IT OFF!!!!"

Oh, that’s it. I DID cut some out, I’ll admit.