are you getting enough oxygen?

Because I don’t think I am. Seriously. I just came to the realization a couple of days ago that I can’t breathe. And yeah, I know most people would have figured this out, oh, AGES ago, but not me! No, I have to pretty much keel right over before I make the connection. I blame it on a lifetime of allergies and compromised breathing. I don’t know what it’s like to be able to breathe properly.  And I just kept thinking, oh, it’s allergies. Even though it’s the dead of winter and that’s not generally a high-allergy time for me. And I’m not having any other allergy symptoms, like sneezing. Has to be allergies, though! 

Well, I haven’t literally keeled over. Yet. But I did realize that not only can I pretty much not breathe through my nose at all anymore, I also feel like my throat is half-closed. So even being a mouth-breather, I am not getting all that much air. And according to Baker B, I’ve turned into a snorer. Which makes sense, because dude, I can’t breathe!!

Once I came to the earthshaking conclusion that not being able to breathe when it’s not allergy season is probably not a good thing and I maybe ought to do something about that,  I made a doctor’s appointment  to find out exactly what’s wrong with me. For this afternoon. So now everyone’s been telling me all kinds of reasons I may not be able to breathe, including asthma, bronchitis, and acid reflux. None of which sounds very likely to me since I don’t feel ill – just oxygen-deprived, and maybe that’s why I can’t type anymore?? I’m wondering if it’s tonsils. Or adenoids. Whatever those are. I hear they’ll keep you from breathing, though. And I just read that Jennifer Anniston had surgery for a deviated septum and is now sleeping well for the first time in ages, so maybe THAT’S what I have. I wake up all the time. I’m SURE it’s not a brain tumor!! Or throat tumor, or throat/nose tumor or whatever. Nope, hasn’t crossed my mind at all!

And the fact that the more I think about it, the more I feel like I’m suffocating isn’t a sign that it’s all in my head, either. Ha ha ha. All in my head! Neither is my being able to walk three miles in 45 minutes at four miles an hour on the treadmill a sign that I’m overreacting. Because I DO NOT OVERREACT. If I was an overreacter, I’d have turned up in the emergency room ages ago, gasping my last breaths. No, I’m just sitting here thinking about all the things that could be wrong with me and feeling like I’m suffocating. Everything…..going….black……..

I’m probably allergic to my job. And the severe cold. And my job.

Oh, well. At least I get to leave early. Which isn’t that impressive since I didn’t take a lunch. And if I have to have, say, my tonsils out, I’ll get to take off work! The dean’s assistant had hers out last year and took off two weeks. Which was longer than I took off when I had a lumpectomy and radiation. She was also out shopping a couple of days later, I heard. Of course, I don’t want my tonsils out. Not at all. I want an easy fix and the ability to breathe again!

I should probably get back to work. My favorite question today was the grad student who called me earlier. She said she’d gotten her license in the mail, and everything looked great. So, does she need to do anything else with our office now? I was a little speechless. I was like, ummmm…. okaaaaay, you’ve graduated, you’ve filled out the paperwork, you’ve sent it all back to me, I’ve sent it on to the state, and you’ve received your teaching license. What else could you POSSIBLY think you’d need to do through the licensure office??? Well, I do have quite a bit of work backed up here, so you could certainly come in and help me out with that, I suppose.

And then the guy who filled out a student teaching application that included many many spelling errors. When he came in to pick it up, he looked at the first thing I’d marked. Which was the town he lives in. Which he’d misspelled. He lives in Vilas, and had typed Zilas. I figured that one was just a typo. But he says, "What’s wrong with this?"

I say, "Ummmmm…. well, mostly that it says Zilas. And it’s Vilas."

He says, "WHAT? It’s Vilas????  I thought it was Zilas!!!! I’ve been telling everyone I live in Zilas! My mail has been coming to Zilas!"

Yeah, the poor guy doesn’t know where he lives. I don’t know how long he’d lived there, but I hope not long.

And now I have got to get out of here before Insane Boss starts delaying me and I’m late to my appointment.