The Hardest Thing I’ve Ever Had to Do

The next day, Friday, I got to work knowing that the hardest part of this whole situation was still to come–I had to tell Annette.

It wasn’t going to be as easy as walking up to her and saying it. This had to be handled a certain way. She was more than a co-worker and our relationship was more than just professional. This was a personal thing and she deserved to find out when we had personal time. I didn’t want her to hold in her feelings or reaction because of her surroundings. It was going to be emotional and I didn’t want to cheat that.

That day, I tried as hard as possible to act as if nothing had changed. I felt horrible as we sat at lunch making plans for our annual trip to the Sierra Nevada brewery for Spring Break. I assured her that I was going to be there when I already knew I wouldn’t.

That night, we went out for beers with friends and continued to make plans. I continued to lie. From there, we went to play Texas Hold ‘Em, (which is much harder to play when you’ve got a buzz). I pretended to have a good time when in reality, all I was thinking about was what I had to do at the end of the night. Several times, I thought of pulling her aside and telling her, but I thought better of it.

At the end of the night, she drove me home. Once she parked the car, I took a deep breath. The words came out much quieter than I expected.

“I have to tell you something.”

“What?”

“I got the job.”

She was quiet for a very long time, keeping her head turned away from me. Finally, she looked down.

“Are you taking it?”

I nodded. “I start next Monday.”

I don’t have to tell you what happened next. There were tears. Lots of them. She said she was looking forward to new opportunities to strengthen our friendship and my moving away was going to take that away.

We spent a long time talking. I spent a long time apologizing. For a lot of reasons, the timing of this thing couldn’t have been worse. I told her I didn’t want her to hate me. She said she didn’t. I told her I didn’t want to lose her. She said I wouldn’t.. She told me she knew this day would come and she knew I had to do it. Finally, because she had a long day the next day, we hugged and said good night.

Tearfully, I stepped out into the night and she drove away.