Goals and Obstacles

As a kid, I always knew I’d go to college, but the goal was always to graduate from high school first.  Once I got to college, the goal was not to flunk out.  I got my academics under control and the new goal was to transfer–and then to get the degree.  Mission accomplished.  Now there’s a new mission: Get to Kansas.

To do that, I’ve got to accomplish the preliminary goal of getting a job there.  I got an interview and people were happy for me, but I refused to get ahead of myself.  I hadn’t accomplished anything yet. 

The interview didn’t go as well as I would have liked and I feel like I’m letting Marci down.  After all, the goal is to be with her.  We make trips to see each other and every time we have to part, she tells me, “Not too much longer.”  It’s as if she’s telling herself that to fight the frustration that this situation of ours is causing.  I hate that she has to say it.  I hate that I’m not doing more to fix it.

She insists that I don’t have to worry about that, but I do.  I have a goal.

We’re considering my moving there without a job, which I had wanted to avoid.  I’m not sure how I feel about it.  There are some very obvious advantages–I probably stand a better chance of getting a job there if I’m there, and I’d finally be with her full time.  But there are also the things that make me wonder if it’s the right thing to do.  In five weeks, I won’t have this job.  That means almost no income.  I’ve got a hefty sum saved up so I can live off of that for a while, but it isn’t going to last forever–especially when you consider that I’ll have to buy a car once I get there.

My biggest worry is that I’ll be moving in with her with no real way to pick up my share of the expenses.  I think I’d feel like a deadbeat for not contributing to her household, (and just in case you’re wondering, I can’t cook, so no contributing that way).

Again, she insists that if my money runs out, she can handle her bills on her income alone (like she’s doing now).  I’m not so sure that adding an extra person to that won’t hurt her.

It’s a lot to think about.  I just wish I had some way of knowing the right thing to do.