these are the tears that i cry

I had an emotional breakdown today over this:

And this:

And this:

Oh, and this:

And also this:

I am so sick of the junk/debris that is just littered all over our yard.  When the kitchen cabinets were installed back in October, our contractor left all of the boxes and trash in the front of the house.  And he has not come back to clean it up.  We’ve barely even spoken to him since October (for multiple reasons).  Luckily, he is finally coming over tomorrow night and we will hopefully tie up all of the loose ends we have.

But the rest of the stuff is from us.  The tree Bill cut down and left in the side yard.  The fence we had taken down but never got rid of.  The Christmas tree and really old fencing that we just threw in the back yard.  

It is driving me absolutely nuts.

I’m embarrassed to walk out of the front door of our house and see a stranger outside.  I feel like they look at me and judge me and wonder why I have all of this shit in my yard.  Why can’t I clean it up?

And after my emotional breakdown over this, Bill agreed to pay someone to just clear out the entire yard for us.  All the fencing, the boxes, the trash, the leaves, the sticks, the trees, everything.  He got about $450 in Las Vegas while on a conference last week (his dad bank-rolled him $300 and he won $150), so we’re going to use that to pay someone.  Initially, he didn’t want to spend it on the yard (he’s freaking out about the wedding and wanted to put the money away in savings).

Luckily, we have a decent size tax return coming that I agreed to put toward the wedding instead of paying down our credit card (which is no interest).  It’s really six of one, half-dozen of the other, but it’ll make him feel better to see a couple grand put away for the wedding specifically.

Anyway, I officially feel very drained after crying my eyes out over our yard.  Just thought I would share.  I know you’re glad.