switch to adderall

I am covered in dog hair. And I smell like dog. And my cat (‘Dora) hissed at me when I walked in the door! And all of that? Makes me smile. heh.

Ken helped me take the table down, and there were atleast more than just 3 or 4 ppl at the allies thing, so that was good. Even tho doc e still freaked me the hell out. *shudders*

Thankfully, the disgusting want-to-bathe-in-clorox-asap feeling that I get from him was countered by the amusing weirdness of doc p. hehe. Towards the end, Kat and he and doc e were discussing philosophy and philosophers, and I can’t remember who they were talking about, but Kat was saying how she found it so difficult and/or frustrating that she just had to stop reading and Doc P said that all of this guys works, all of the important stuff, could be summed up in about 2 lines of what he wrote– something about when you don’t know something, be obscure, cuz if you’re obscure enough, people will just think you’re deep. I couldn’t help myself and said something like “Well, you’ve certainly got -that- method down pat, don’t ya!!” *grin* I musta caught him off guard, cuz he laughed, which I’m not sure I’ve ever witnessed before! He’s usually so deadpan that I can’t ever tell if he’s serious or kidding. I find this amusing, especially when he starts doing it while sitting on panels. I love being on panels with him, but sometimes it’s an effort to keep a…straight face…(no puns intended, lol!) Unlike doc e, who I detest being on panels with, cuz he always has to go on and on and on and on about how many species of animals have been found in the wild engaging in same-sex activity things. Which. Ok, it’s a good argument, or a good point. But he just doesn’t stop with it when it would be appropriate and by the time he’s done, even the panel members want to just take the book and beat him over the head with it. At least, some of them do. heh.

Anyways. So. I spent the majority of my time sitting on the floor playing with the dog (hah. There is something that sounds rather…large…crawling around in the ceiling. Gotta love the winter!!) and zoning out most of the conversation. Saw J after a while, which was nice cuz I was in definate need of hugs (eheh. When am I not…)

The cold is here. Snow. Not really sticking yet, but falling every now and again (which, I’m guessing, is why there are things crawling in the ceiling. It’s pretty damn cold outside. I wonder if it’s weird that I like to listen to them scritching on the walls….I’d prolly feel differently about it if it were a house that I owned, or planned on living in for a long time. But maybe not. I don’t mind sharing, not that there can be much warmth up there, seeing as there’s not much warmth in here.) I love winter. I don’t mind being freezing cold outside. But I don’t like being shivering cold inside the house. Which I am. Even tho the heat is on. The landlord replaced the one set of windows, but not the other. And of COURSE he replaced the ones that aren’t entirely crucial to keeping heat in. Stupidhead. Oh well.

I need to get ready to go to work for a few hours. And then to some panels tomorrow. heh. Some of the questions the people in the class turned in:

1. Michael Foucault, a French philosopher, wrote that sexual variance is an arbitrary social construction. Do you see homosexuals as sexual deviants or do you believe, like me, that there is no such thing as a “natural” sexual orientation as opposed to a deviant one?

2. Are any of you very religious?

3. Why should anyone care what you’re having for “dinner”? I don’t run to my neighbor’s house and tell him I’m having mashed potatoes, so why do you announce that [you “think”] you’re gay to everyone? Who cares? Isn’t it your own business?

4. Doesn’t being a homosexual disprove the theory of evolution?

5. If homosexuality is a mental problem or defect, is medication or therapy offered to fix it?

6. Do you feel TV sitcoms portray homosexuals [or straight people] accurately or in a stereotypical way?

7. How in the world does sexual preference [sic] or what is performed in the bedroom set someone apart as a minority? After all, its not a race or ethnicity [ sex, age, disability] nor is it a culture nor does it have any cultural value or significance.

I foresee some interesting discussion. wheee….

heh.

Randomly, I was in one of my classes the other day and I’ve no idea what we were discussing…oh! yeah. One of my group had seen the instructor coming out of the Y with “some really tall dark haired guy…” and I was like “uh….her..husband maybe?” And the girl gave me a look and was like “I don’t think she’s married…I don’t think it was a husband…” So, I was like…”ok. Significant other? Boyfriend?” And I kept getting weird looks and half-sentences and then I just thought to myself, “Wow. I just totally regurgitated a stupid ass stereotype” So I was like “Father of her child, at least maybe?” That one got more support, lol. And it’s funny cuz, I’ve never assumed this woman to be straight. Well, didn’t give it much thought, actually, but when I first met her, I plopped her into the not-straight lump, for mental efficiency’s sake. (Actually, I think my first thought was that she was gay, but I didn’t automatically really “assume” that she was straight, gay or otherwise. But I *also* filed the fact that she has a kid, and that there is a guy I’ve seen her with that I apparently assumed to be her husband-type-person, and therefore thought of her as bi.

So I sat there and tried to think why I would’ve thought that, when I mostly never thought of her as straight in the first place- why, then, would I automatically assume she has a husband? There must’ve been a reason, cuz I’m not usually one to…do that. At least, not with gltb stuff. And I thought that at one point, I had seen them hug and/or kiss, but then I began to doubt if I had actually seen that or not, lol.

Not that it matters in any way or another. Just annoys me that I fell prey to that particular stereotypical categorization. (uh. Is that a word??? categorizing?) Of course, probably one reason I did so is cuz it doesn’t matter one way or the other if she’s gltbsq whatever, so it’s not an aspect of her personality I pay much attention to. So I guess I was just categorizing, and not actually…stereotyping, and certainly not discriminating. *shrugs*

It was just an odd, somewhat funny exchange. Cuz the one girl who brought up seeing her at the Y, when I gave -her- questioning looks in return to the ones she gave me she was like “well…I don’t think her SO…uh…well…nevermind!” *rolls eyes* Is it a BAD thing to say “well, i think her SO is probably not male!” cuz that’s pretty obviously what she was thinking, I think. I guess to me, it’s just like noting that her SO had brown hair or khaki pants or 9 fingers. Why does it have to be something that needs to be whispered about?

I mean, even disregarding social stigma…she uses a million and one examples in class, and almost always includes one involving homosexuality, if appropriate and applicable. She also often uses sex (as in the activity) for examples. Hell, one day her most referenced example was something to do with vibrators. So even if there *is* social stigma….do they assume that she’d be offended if they thought she wasa lesbian, even if she’s not? I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t be. Maybe she would. I dunno. I guess it doesn’t bother ME when people assume I’m gay cuz I actually am. Maybe it’s different if you’re not. But. I get annoyed, at times, when people assume that I’m straight, because I’m not. But not offended. I dunno.

I dunno. I suppose I understand why they were trying to be all hush-hush obscure about it. But I wish life didn’t have to be that way. I wish gay wasn’t subconsciously attached to Wrong or Bad by so many people. Hell, my first recollection of doc p was that he was wearing a pink shirt, a little stud earring, and talking about something having to do with queerness. And it occurs to me that, although my first thought was not “wow. HAS to be gay!” I think that subconsciously, it definately made him less threatening. lol. I do remember doing a double take when someone told me he was married. I was kinda disappointed! hehe. But, he’s a wonderful advocate type ally person, which is almost as good. ;o) It does, however, still make me smile when he wears his pink shirt. Or his green one. Because I think he only owns green and pink clothing.

Ok. Not really. But. He SHOULD!!!!!!!!

I hope that it is warm at work tonite. It’s either really warm or really cold, and I haaate when it’s really cold. Tho, I am only working until 3am, and for some reason, it is always coldest there at 4am. I’m not sure if that’s just when I start getting really tired and am more sensitive to it, or if it’s just the fact that the place has no insulation and the hallways are all lined with windows on at least one wall, and the corridor closest to the units is windows on both sides, so it’s like walking thru an ice box in the winter.

I guess it’s better than keeping it hot tho, maybe. Since 1. people get more aggressive when temps rise and 2. i get more sleepy when temps rise! Although, the cold makes me tired too, cuz I do roomchecks every 15-30 mins, and see all the pts all snuggled up in bed, especially the kids, and I just want to crawl in bed and be warm. So all I can think of is sleep, and that makes me tired.

I’ve honestly never worn short sleeves to work, on nightshift. Not once in the 3+ years I’ve been there. (I did a few times when I worked with/as Grace. With strategically placed bandaids and/or a sweater that I put on when I went to the units :op )

Oh well. I should go find a snuggly sweater to wear. Since we’re not technically allowed to wear sweatshirts anyhow, and since, as I said, mine is covered in dog hair! I should prolly change my jeans since they also smell like dog, and were drooled on a bit. But I can’t be bothered. Plus, I don’t have any more clean pairs. (Damn. Looks like I’ll be doing laundry tomorrow. eheh. Or maybe I’ll just wear khaki’s to work tomorrow nite. heheh. Oi vey.)

Hooray for work. *sigh*