Stairway to heaven….

I never really heard this song until G made me a huge mix cd for my birthday last year. Even tho I always wondered about it because of Wayne’s World. Wee.

I’m at the library right now. I figured that I’d get more work done here than at home cuz there are less distractions. Of course. I brought Mercury with me. So. eheh. Oh well.

Apparently I can receive mail but not send it on it. *raises eyebrow* Odd, that. No time to fiddle with it now. I can always log in to my school account or the web version of my home account, it’s just easier to receive it all into one program.

I’m mildly terrified about my final tomorrow. I just haven’t studied enough. And I’m having a lot of trouble focusing today. heh. understatement

And I ‘talked’ to J for half an hour today and just kept pushing her farther and farther away. I was just negative and. bleh. And didn’t really realize it til she called me on it. And when she did and I realized it I just…all the oxygen escaped from the room and that elephant sat full on top of my chest. *sigh* I don’t know why I have to be such a brat sometimes.

heh. While we were talking, Doc P came in the room or whatever and I heard him say something like “you’re on the phone?” And although I was like, 5 blocks away, I was shooting daggers at him over the phone. Not intentionally. Just. Men/husband-people were just not on my Happy List and it was really kind of an automatic reaction. And truth be told it kind of startled me, as he’s one of the few husband/men-type people that I haven’t convinced myself is just evil incarnate. He’s like. 1 of 1. *sigh* But then J was like “that would be why I have a phone up to my ear….” and she was laughing a little when she said it, so I checked my animosity and reminded myself that I barely know the man and that every one of my interactions with him have been positive and several have been even better than positive. So. He’s not on my shit-list.

(yet?)

The girl sitting at the table behind me is singing out loud to herself. I have headphones on but I can still hear her. I think I’m just in the mood to be bothered by everything.

So. In the midst of other shit that was going on today, Jay called me sounding very down and under the weather. And I mentioned that and he was like “That’s actually why I called you…” Cuz apparently he’s very broke and hasn’t eaten in a while and was in need of food. So. I went and picked him up from the studio and ran him to wally world, bought him some food, and dropped him back off at his place, then raced over to M’s to put the kids to bed cuz E was apparently ill. Poor. Baby. *scowl*

They were darlings, of course. The Doodlebug’s in her school play and I helped her with lines. hehe. She’s so big now. Well. She’s actually somewhat tiny. But. Comparatively. She was smaller than RB when I started watching her. lol. I took them to EnP the other day when I babysat and she had spaghetti sans sauce and she got it and took a big sniff of it and licked her lips, gave me the hugest grin and said “mmmm! Simply DELECTABLE!!!” Shades of her mother, definately. 🙂

It’s frigging COLD in here. Of course, I am sitting by the window. But. The library is an apparent hot-spot tonite, and it’s the only place I could find with an outlet.

Bah. I’m running low on sanity and self-control today. I was trying to unravel the cord of my cellphone charger from some other cords and when I picked up the charger, I found a lovely little Schick hidden underneath it. I don’t even remember putting it there. So enticing. I think that’s partly why I came to the library. Too enticing. I only didn’t use it then cuz I was chatting with Em and she’s quite enjoyable. Thank gawd for small spots of sanity. eheh. Not that I’d classify either one of us as completely sane. But whatever. We decided to bake tomorrow nite. Cuz we’re s’posed to take food to poetry class on Tuesday for a party-thing. And I didn’t know what to bring since I can’t cook, bake, or choose appropriate edibles from food stores. So I said I’d buy the ingredients or whatnot. Excitable. I suck at cooking. But the company will be good at least.

I hate that I make new friends 2 months before summer starts. It’s like a sharp kick to the gut. *sigh* But it’s better than making no friends at all, right? Right….(hah. Said in J’s voice, cuz my voices aren’t quite in agreement. le’sigh.)

I really need to study. hah. Please please please let me pull off an Echo and pass by some miraculous stroke of good fortune.

(please?)