Show me a garden that’s bursting into life..*edit*

my gawd. this song. it’s one of those songs. The kind that sinks in to my veins and controls the beating of my heart.

all that i am
all that i ever was
is here in your perfect eyes
they’re all i can see…

blue.

Have you ever missed everything all at once? All that you never knew, all that’s yet to be….

Sometimes it feels like it’s all crashing down so quick. Must one thing die in order for another to flourish? I know, I know the connection isn’t that simple, that it’s not even a connection at all (even tho everything is. Connected. All of it. Red threads everywhere) But still, my brain is lost in tangentials and fierce contrasts. No gray areas.

My dreams as of late- haunted by eyes. Blue, green, greener yet with their orange rim, shades that escape me. Perhaps “haunt” is the wrong word. And I can’t even remember the context. Just the eyes. Every time I wake, I’m a little surprised and I think to myself Wow. I definately dream in colour…. I assume everyone does? But it’s a question someone asked me once and at the time I did not know the answer. But I know now, because sometimes my dreams are so vividly colourful it’s like a crayola box half melted….not enough to mush everything into a brown glop of indiscernable hue. Just enough that the shades are liquid, fluid, flowing into one another but not totally melding.

A stew or a salad? What? Random. From….what class was that? Civics? America. A melting pot. A stew or a salad? Anyways. I’m tired, obviously.

I watched Bend it Like Beckam earlier, when the power came back on. Gah, that blonde girl is yummy. Actually they both really are. lah.

Sleep, sleep, sleep. Tho I’m uncomfortable. The rain has saturated my apartment. Not the rain, I suppose, as much as the humidity. Everything feels sticky and damp. lah.

*****edit****
grrrr….kinda mad….i took my seroquel already and then started playing on photoshop and am currently obsesed w making icons. but now my brain’s all fuzzzzzy. hrrrrrrrrrmph.

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Oooh, this is kinda along the same lines as one of the anxieties that’s been keeping me company. What I have vs what I want and what I’d have to give up to get there. *sigh* Why do you have to sacrifice one thing to get another? So not cool. RYN: But thank you for the hugs. I needed them. =o)

xxxooo,

June 23, 2006

xox *~