Saved by bell?

Eheh. Go me. Got saved from cleaning again, cuz they called me in to work. Just for 4 hours cuz there was a schedule screw up. I was with the adolescents. There are only 9 of them, but they’re manipulative lil’ fuckers! As most teens are, I s’pose. But along with manipulativity…several of them also have NO respect for authority. Beyond the normal teen rebel deal. Several of them have NO boundaries. They try to talk about sex -constantly- and are always being redirected for touching and kissing and such. Which. I’m not one to crush expressiveness and I think talking about sexuality would be a positive thing. But they take it beyond positive and just try to be as crude as possible. They got really pissed at me cuz I just wasn’t biting. The one kid is gay. Says he is. Not that I don’t believe him. Just that bisexuality is the newest fad on the unit. So *shrugs* Anyways. So he kept going on about how he was a fag and a queer and blahdiblah. And he was like “aren’t you gonna yell at me??” I asked him what I should be yelling at him for and he was like “for being dragertory (deragatory) towards gay people…” And I was like “Uhm. If you’re gay, and you choose to call yourself queer or fag, that’s your choice. It’s called Self Identifying (ok, I might’ve made that term up. But it sounds good, no?!) If you start calling your peers queer and fag, *then* I’ll yell at you.” I don’t think he really understood what I was saying. But I could tell he was almost frustrated that he wasn’t getting a rise out of me. eheh.

The other good thing is that I got to work with Carroll who is completely disorganized but who has a heart the size of Australia. (is australia big? she has a big, big heart, that’s what I’m getting at.) And she’s just so so sweet and patient, with staff and patients. So, that made everything a little less stressful. She’s just…I dunno. She’s been working there forever, and I’ve only been there a few years and I don’t even ever work evening shift, but she -still- often asks me like “What do you think we should do with this…” or whatever. I think mostly it’s that she recognizes the fact that there IS a night shift and that they ARE important. Unlike several other ppl who work there. eheh. Anyways. I filled out an extra effort award/thank you board form and put it in HR’s box, so hopefully it’ll be in next month’s Psycle.

I still have a headache. :o/ I’m wondering if it’s med-related or just stress related. My muscles burn in my shoulder, and it’s clicking again. So I wonder if I pulled something or whatever. I haven’t quite figured out what causes it to just start burning like it does. I can never catch any correlations, except maybe hunching my shoulders. But then it would seem that the other one would hurt too. And except for the car ‘accident’ which strained it and then the code I was in which re-strained it, the other one never hurts this bad. And even when it hurts, it’s a different hurt. More of an achy sore thing. But the left one…meh. It’s a burning almost stinging pain kind of thing. bleh.

I need to take my meds. lah. I walked in to the report room after my shift was over, and Jeff was in there and he looked at me and was like “Are you losing weight again, girl?!!” And I laughed and was like “Probably! I don’t eat, I don’t sleep…”

But I say it with a smile and a laugh, so no one really takes it seriously. *shrugs* One of my main faults, apparently. I don’t let people know that I am hurting or that i need help or whatever. meh.

Eheh. I’ve been hyper most of the day. And now I’m just anxious, which sucks. mmm. The higher the highs, the lower the lows…*sigh*

So. I was thinking before that I was getting headaches cuz my glasses were getting too weak, cuz I feel like it’s harder to see out of one eye. So I got new glasses. But. It still feels like my vision is lopsided. My right eye has always been weaker, prolly something to do with the lazy eye deal.

Wow. Actually, I was just looking up the real word for “lazy eye” and discovered that it’s not what I was thinking it was. I apparently have strabismus. Tho, p’raps I also have amblyopia. Apparently people call amblyopia “lazy eye”, but really it is when one eye has reduced vision for no apparent cause other than the brain not acknowledging things. But strabismus is when the eye turns or deviates. As mine does, and has since I was a child. I learned to control it over the years, so now it tends to only go spastic when I’m tired or, I’ve noticed recently, when I’m really anxious. Or too I think when I’m having issues ‘staying in the room’ or whatever.

Anyways. So. Strabismus can cause amblyopia. But apparently, “alternating or intermittent strabismus (an eye turn which occurs only some of the time) rarely causes amblyopia.” So. Hrmm. It has never really been an issue. I mean, I’ve always had yucky vision, and my right eye has always needed a stronger prescription than the left. But I never noticed as much of a difference as I notice now. Like I feel like the right side of glasses is always dirty or smudged or unclear or something. And they’re new.

I dunno. The exophthalmia (which is apparently more popular in the fish world than in humans. Eheh. “Pop eye”…lovely…) in the right eye never decreased as much as the left one. So. I wonder if it’s an amalgamation of several things. I dunno. They used to worry about glaucoma, but they test for it every time, so I’d think they’d catch it if it were that. I would assume they would catch cataracts too. Tho I don’t know the pathology or symptoms of that.

*sigh* It’s just annoying. And it’s prolly just the fact that my eyes are crappy and I have astygmatism. bleh. I can’t even get contacts cuz the damn toric lenses are so expensive. At least, they were the last time I got them.

Whatever. I should take my meds and sleep. I don’t think I’ll take a lunesta tonite cuz 1. it is 2am and I’m tired and have been getting sleep lately, so p’raps my body remembers how to get there on its own…. 2. I have nothing to do tomorrow so I guess it doesn’t matter if I toss and turn all nite and 3. I only have 3 or maybe 3 left. So. lah. Dr’s appt next week. She may write me a script for it, since it seems to actually be working. But I’m not sure my insurance covers such things. Especially since it’s relatively new and therefore relatively expensive and has no generic yet. lah.

Might go meet AJ on Saturday. We shall see, we shall see, we shall see. (We shall overcome??) random!!! Eef.