Relief-ish

lah. Thankfully, the $200 that M paid me has -finally- been posted to my account. Now I can pay my rent. Not enough, mind you, to pay my rent, car payment AND bank loan payment. Not to mention the REST of my bills.

However. I also -finally- found out that I, indeed, was eligible for financial aid, thank gawd. Not as much as in previous years which is slightly scary, as I realized that that’s how I tend to carry thru through the rest of the year. However the loan refund should keep me afloat for a few months- along with pay from the psych center and my work study job- until the next disbursement of my loan. Which will, with paychecks, hopefully carry me thru to the end of school at which point I can pass the boards and get a full time job or at least graduate and *gulp* work part/full time at the psych center. But, I’d at least prolly make more money cuz I’d be a GN (graduate nurse) instead of just an MHT. Tho I dunno if they’d be obligated to pay me more, since…I dunno. Since they’re assholes like that. eheh.

So. Essentially I have -no- money. But that’s better than having negative amounts of money, which is what was very soon going to occur….Maybe this will help me freak out a little less. (ha.)

But. ONE (two, actually) things that have greatly eased my mind is that 1. M’s mum is safe and 2. K is safe. Heh. I barely even know K. But she’s just one of those excessively wonderfully….comforting people. And she was kind enough to sit and listen to me babble at 150mph for 15 minutes a few times a week for a few semesters. Eheh. I can definately count her as one of my “saving graces” for my first semester of nursing skewl. Even tho I still failed A&P, and I still was constantly stressed and freaking and paniced (that word will NEVER look like it’s spelled right to me. It needs…a K. No puns, etc, intended…) It still helped immensely to have those few minutes. Especially since they were *right* before A&P. I think I prolly wouldn’t have even gone/been able to have gone to class without that, I was so freaked out by mid-semester. So. Yay 🙂 Very relieved that J let me know that she’s ok.

I need to do some reading before M calls. Classes today were ok- Have a quiz tomorrow, so, eek. Only 10 points. (Ha. “Only.” It only takes 1 point to make or break you in this program, letalone 10…) And we talked about Self Esteem, Self Concept, Social Identities, etc in Social Psych today, which is the topic of our first paper. So I can start writing that. Apparently it’s near impossible to get all 20(?) points on papers from Dr F. We shall see. I managed it in Dr H’s class(es), and I’m sure I never had a more demanding prof than her. (eheh. Well. That first A&P prof was. But. He was more delusional than demanding, so high were his expectations…) So far, the class seems really easy, as I’ve had nearly all that we’ve covered to this point in my other psych classes. There are people taking the class for the second time. I don’t understand that. The woman lets you have a FULL page of notes for the exam. Front AND back. I mean. That’s like…handing you an A, isn’t it?? (ha. Now watch, I’ll get like a C or something…) I’m a little trepidatious, cuz…it all seems *too* easy… Maybe just cuz I love psychology and just spent 2 semesters essentially immersed in it? It comes very easily to me, but I know it doesn’t to everyone. But still.

Then again…today we were discussing collectivistic and individualistic cultures. Which I prolly had in general psych, 7 years ago. But I know I had it in Personal Growth as well as Developmental psych. And. It just…seems like a cut and dry concept. Yet…there were a few people in class who just…didn’t get it. They couldn’t get the concept of a collectivistic culture. They didn’t believe that people truely sacrificed their autonomy, their desires, their dreams…for the good of the group. I guess I tend to be a really collectivistic person. Living in an individualistic culture. So I understand the concept. I suppose if I were really individualistic, I might have a hard time believing in the true “motives” of leaders in collectivisms. I dunno. I guess I’m just grateful that this stuff comes so easy to me, so far, cuz I desperately needed it to be a cake class. Not to say I think it’s insignificant or unimportant (redundant much…) Just that it’s easy for me. So far. And. I dunno. I guess…well, Dr F was explaining how when she taught at another school, she had some asian students who couldn’t grasp the concept of individualistic culture. There is no equivilant word for “Ego” (as in id, ego and super-ego) in their language….so. I shouldn’t be in such disbelief about the confusion of my classmates.

And, I’m finding Dr F to be a really interesting and engaging prof! I mean, J highly recommends her but I’ve heard students say that her classes are dry and boring. But. I’m enrolled in one of her courses, and I’ve been sitting in on her most basic course (which I would guess would be the most ‘dry’?) And…*shrugs* She uses powerpoint, but she certainly doesn’t read to them straight from it. She uses relevant examples. She’s animated and she speaks very well. (lol. She’s the complete opposite of my current nursing process instructor. Perhaps that’s why I’m enjoying Dr F’s classes SO much…) She knows (or at least sounds like she knows :o> ) what she’s talking about and very obviously…cares about what she’s talking about. Ah well. Everyone has different perceptions of “good” I suppose.

It does amuse me tho, we’ve only been in class for a week, but she’s very fond of using homosexuality and gltb things for examples. It’s funny to serruptitiously watch ppl as she talks about such things cuz on some of their faces…they kinda look at the person next to them in a bit of a disbelief/shock like…”did…did she just say….gay sex…???” Yep. She did. Several times. 🙂 And, some profs…use gltb things as examples and such but…sometimes you can tell when they’re not altogether comfortable or sure about it, you can hear hesitation when they try to spit out the word “homosexual” But I like that Dr F just talks about it as if she were talking about gender or race or social class or any other aspect of a person. Which…it IS just any other aspect of a person. But. *shrugs* I’m babbling again. 🙂 It’s just sometimes hard to find people who are…comfortable or….I dunno what word I want…people who you can tell they seriously think being gay is as natural as being straight. lah. It certainly makes -me- feel much more comfortable when thinking about sharing that aspect of my life with the class, if the subject ever arises (lol. Tho, I’m SURE they already think I’m a man-hating feminist dyke…*rolls eyes* The satellite campus is just NOwhere near as liberal as main campus, I’m discovering.)

Anyways. So much for getting any reading done. lol. Tho, M hasn’t called yet, so I s’pose I can start. Ugh. So seriously having trouble with the whole motivation thing. I mean. It’s weird- I like the subjects, but I still have a difficult time just sitting down and doing the work. It’s frustrating. Oh well.