psychologeeez

Got the new glasses. My eyes aren’t used to them yet, and I feel cross-eyed. I prolly should’ve talked to the dr about my lazy eye dealio, as it decides to do its own thing more often than it used to. When I was little I didn’t really have much control over it, but then I learned to control it, so it mostly stays in place, unless I’m tired. And then it wanders and I have a tough time reigning it back in. It’s started wandering alot more the last few months. Wonder what that’s about.

I have so much that I should be doing that I’m just simply not doing. Like rearranging the living room furniture, or cleaning up the huge mess that I made while making the lids to the dragon’s tank. Or cleaning my room. Or putting away the clothes that’ve been sitting on the floor of my closet for howevermany weeks it has been. Or cleaning out my car which is getting disgusting and annoyingly cluttered. Or cleaning Cordova’s tank, although a lot of the algea that was on it seems to be disappearing?? Weird. But he still needs fresh water. Or putting my philadendron(sp?) (if that’s even what kind of plant it is!) clippings in dirt, since their roots are really long now and I think I can manage it this time without killing the dang things like I did last time :o( Or doing the dishes that’ve been in a sink full of water for a week. Or putting the pots and pans away that’ve been out of the oven for 2 weeks. Or cleaning out the fridge of all the nasty foodstuffs in it.

Anyways. Right. So. Therapy. *screams* (ha. yeah right. the last time I screamed was….well, last nite, but I was cheering for RB, so I’m not sure it counts for what I’m talking about.) lah. Interminable silence ensued. Sat and stared at the walls for a while. Then J pulled me over to the mini-couch, so we sat there for a bit. Then she asked if I wanted to show her my arm. Which. I never really want to. Especially not when it’s so fucking ugly. But. As she was saying…Catholics, ya know, they believe in the whole confession thing. And she seems to think (rightly so, of course.) that showing her then would be good cuz then I wouldn’t have to sit and worry about it the rest of the time. *rolls eyes* Miss LogicAndReason prevails again.

So. I showed her. *sigh* She got up and for a second I was confused and thought, for a change, that I was right and that she was angry or disgusted and was going to leave the room or go sit at her desk or in one of the other chairs. But she was only going to her desk to get lotion, which she brought back and put on my arms.

Wow. It’d been a while since I’d smelled the gardenias (I think)and such. And it’s kind of conflicting, cuz the smell is soothing as, I guess, is her putting in on my arm. And yet. And yet and yet. The lotion goes on clear, of course, and the wonderful smell alone is not enough to cover the ugly beneath it. *sigh* But I can still smell it now and it’s so quiet and soft.

Anyways. I was not even able to begin to articulate whatever was, or wasn’t going thru my head, and J offered up a list of things we could do and I eventually said Yes to writing. Tho I didn’t say much on paper, either. hehe. She cleaned her fishtank while I wrote. I’ve never seen anyone clean algea off a tank like that (she just used one of those rough spongie things, like for dishes?) and stuck her hand in and swooshed it off. It amused me, apparently. Certainly was somewhat more efficient than emptying the tank, scrubbing the walls, and then refilling the tank. Then she came back (well, after washing her hands :op) and read what I had written and said Thank You. And then we tried breathing and doing some guided imagery stuff, which was ok. More ok than I thought it’d be tho. So that was good. And then it was time for me to leave. So I did.

I just….wish my head wasn’t in such a bad place. As there’s no reason for it to be.

Blah. I want to lay down. I have an hour and a half before I need to be to M’s. So instead of doing all of the shite that I need to do, I’m going to continue to be a lazy fuckwit and lay down.