nostomania

Did mostly nothing today. Had therapy at 10. Mostly we just chatted. Then I got totally stuck and unable to say what was on my mind, and so J asked if I wanted to draw it. So she gave me some markers and paper and I drew a bit. A house. Ended up with a circle around it. And I kept going over and over the circle. J said something like “pretty thick wall…” And I still couldn’t find words. The tears were just on the verge of falling and I just wanted to crawl somewhere safe. I ended up colouring in the circle, over the house and stuff. J said something about it being hard to see? Hard to watch?

Which brought the tears. But it was time to leave, so I tried my best to hold them back til I was outside. Tho it was difficult when she gave me a hug, cuz I just wanted to hold on, I didn’t want her to let go.

But I left. And cried as I walked home in the gloriously perfect weather. *sigh* Lay down for a bit when I got home, and read. I’m reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower which is really good thus far. Then played Sims for a while. Started watching Rent and going thru some old magazines for random pictures/phrases, etc.

Then I had to go babysit. Jay came over while I was sitting, after I got the girls to bed. Their mum got home just a little bit after he got there, so we left and came to my house and then decided to go to dinner. Then came back to my place again and just sat for a bit, watching the cats, enjoying the silence. He just left.

Am worried a bit about AJ. She’s been really tired lately and has just seemed out of sorts the last few days we’ve talked. *sigh* I hate being so far away. My days are filled with When AJ and I…. And I want it to be now.

I know, we haven’t even had our 1 year anniversary yet, but still. She’s so wonderful. So…so imperfect in all the right ways, if that makes sense? I don’t want perfection. I could never be comfortable with someone who was perfect, cuz gawd knows I’m not.

lah. Mostly I just wish I were there to hug her after she’s had a bad day at work. And vice versa.

lah.

I have the hiccups. That’s like the 3rd time this week??

Think I’ll check in on my Sims and then read a bit and sleep.