never knew what a normal portion was.

Hey, we’ll get through this. Slow down. Breathe. Keep things in proportion. Remember the other parts of your life that are going well(they are there).

Good parts. Right. Like the part where I didn’t get a SINGLE question on the quiz right, because it was “put this in order” regarding how blood pumps thru the heart. And I know the general route. But not well enough, apparently, to put the fucking steps in order.

Or maybe the part where that social psych exam that I was so non-stressed about, cuz I knew the stuff really, really well and had been reviewing my notes every day and had a full page front and back of ‘cheat sheet’…yeah, the part where half the questions, in my mind, could’ve gone more than one way. And in nsg class it’s pounded in to us…Don’t read more into the question than what’s already there… but for this exam, which wasn’t nursing, it seemed impossible NOT to. So. Yeah. So much for relatively painless class.

Oh wait, maybe it’s the part where I sat and babbled like a crabby maniac to Jan about work last nite and about AJ and being gay and shot down every single one of her attempts to point out my “strengths” and didn’t even realize I was doing it til later.

It could be the part where I’ve felt totally shaky and on the verge of tears ALL FRIGGING DAY.

The part where I dropped my baseball cap from the game I went to with AJ right into a giant mud puddle? (I know. It’s washable. It didn’t help my mood any.)

How about the part where I passed an accident on the way home, and there was a boy laying in the middle of the lane, so I stopped to help because…well, just because. I’m not sure if I’m ‘mandated’ to or not. As an RN I will be, technically. But as a nsg student, I dunno. But I wasn’t even in nsg student mode, I was in “fuck, there’s a kid laying in the middle of the road and a woman running up the road with blankets and such and no ambulance yet and it’s rainy and slippy and I hope they didn’t move him cuz from the looks of it, his truck rolled….” He was kind of ok. Breathing. Pulse way too high for having layed on the ground for 10 minutes, but understandable due to the amounts of adrenaline sure to be coursing thru his veins. And someone had covered him with a blanket to try to avoid him going in to shock, since not only did he just have an accident but also he was laying on cold, wet concrete surrounded by a bunch of strangers an d such. His pupils weren’t dilating at first, but then they did. I think I annoyed him cuz I kept asking him questions, to try to keep him talking and awake, cuz his eyes were going blinkyblinky. Maybe just from raindrops, but maybe not. He could feel me squeeze his legs and he said he could feel his hands, but he also said his neck hurt (in part because they had it propped on his bookbag, putting it at a weird angle, since he was on his stomach…) So I sat there and kinda wedged my knee between his shoulder and the ground, so he could relax the tension without moving. And I called his job and told them he wouldn’t be in. And then the ambulance came and collared and rolled him and took him away. And I continued on my way.

Then there was me trying to pick up my Rx at the drug store. Where someone was just…sitting in their car. In the middle of the parking lot. And. It’s not a large enough lot to go around. Hell, you can barely fit your car thru the aisle in the first place. And so I sat. And sat. And sat. While he puffed on his cigarette. And all I wanted to do was be home.

Oh, let’s not forget the part where I opened my mail to discover that I’m NOT ELIGIBLE for the work study job that I’ve been working at all semester. So there goes that extra income. Not to mention having to tell Dr F that I can’t work for her anymore. Even tho I probably won’t tell her, I’ll just pretend. Or I’ll work even if I’m not getting paid cuz it’s not difficult to sit thru a general psych class or hand out papers and keep web sites updated.

That brings us full circle. I won’t mention the fact that I still have a dead turtle on my backporch cuz I didn’t know what to do with him yesterday and then didn’t get home til now. I also won’t mention the NEED OIL light flashing in my car, because I’m too tired to go GET oil, even tho it smells like it’s frigging burning to pieces under the hood. Even tho I just PUT oil in it like, 2 and a half weeks ago. I’m gonna also not mention that I need to get my car inspected like, in the next 3 days at some point. Which will be interesting, seeing as I never seem to be home/in an area of reception when I actually have the phone number to make an appt to get my car inspected. Or the fact that I have to get the oil leak fixed. As well as whatever else is wrong with it, cuz I’m sure there’s something else. There’s always something else.

I’m also not going to mention how much I miss AJ, how badly my shoulder stings (which I’m sure has NOTHING to do with being plowed in to by a very large person who was flailing about.) OR the “argument” I got in to with a woman in my psych class who insists that the psych center that I work at is wonderful (WTF??? I so think not.) OR coming home to find the gray cat sleeping on the white nursing uniform that I have to wear tomorrow. Or the care plan that I should be writing up that is due tomorrow, which isn’t even a care plan because I haven’t had the CHANCE to do a care plan yet which is NOT GOOD. Won’t mention putting my bag in the car in such a way that I cracked the cd I just made yesterday in half. OR how I lost my earbud earphones and can only find one pair of weird headphones that go over the back of my head and irritate my ears cuz they lay right over the stems of my glasses. The apparent hole in the bottom of my shoe which renders them quite effectively NON water proof and thus I’ve had cold feet most of the day which I hate. Especially cold wet feet. The $150 NCLEX review class scheduled for after graduation. The fact that graduation isn’t even AT my skewl cuz the building they usually hold it in is going to be torn down or remodeled or something (meaning we also don’t know yet where we will have class in April or May….)

I won’t mention any of that cuz. Ya know. None of it is a Good Part.