my short skirt

I wanted to respond to a particular note I got on the last entry about teen pregnancy. The note read:

Of no particular import, but perhaps relevant.

As a high school teacher, I spend a good part of my day asking young women to cover up.

I recognize it takes a male for a female to become pregnant, but these girls are throwing themselves out there by wearing shorty-skirts and plunge tops.

Guys will be persistent, but many of these gals are jump-starting the process.

Respect starts within

I didn’t delete the note, but I made it private, because my intention is NOT to start a flame war or to fight with the diarist at ALL. I just want to state my opinions on the note, and I don’t want her to end up with any negative noteage based on what I want to say. I’m not making a personal attack, I am stating MY opinion. Her note is merely a jumping point. (Actually I started my reply as a note back to her, but it ended up being a personal rant that wasn’t aimed at her, rather aimed at society, so….)

Ok, I agree that skirts are short and tops are way tight nowadays….but I don’t know what that has to do with respect? Have you seen the vagina monologues lately? It has a great monologue, that I absolutely detested the first time I heard it. But then I thought about it. WHY did I hate that piece? WHY do I detest those girls who run around in shorts so short I can see their butt cheeks?

I thought, “It’s not cuz I’m jealous…I don’t have the body to wear such clothes, but I wouldn’t wear such clothes if I had the body” And then I thought…wait….*the body*? What is THE body??
No, I don’t wanna see their thongs, but perhaps they hate my socks showing thru my sandals.

And no, I’m not advocating that kids/anyone be allowed to run around naked. But….

But why should how much skin a girl shows matter? I’m pretty sure rape and teenage pregnancy still happen in countries where girls wear sari’s and are covered head to toe in fabric. Why are girls yelled at when their tops are ‘too tight’, but boys are allowed to run around shirtless? I mean, some boys have breasts. All boys have nipples and aureoles.

I don’t generally find male bodies attractive in a sexual way, but some women do. They see a boy with a shirt off and they think “eye candy!!” Yet…a boy (or anyone, really) sees a girl with a shirt off and they might think “opportunity!” or “obscene” or whatever other negative things. Granted, I understand that a woman’s breasts are a private part of her body, whereas a boys chest isn’t necessarily. But….I mean….why? It’s kind of arbitrary. Ok, so girls cover up their sticky out breasts and boys cover up their sticky out penii. But we ALL have bums. Why do we have to cover those?

I’m not saying these basic things should be changed or altered. I’m just contemplating their origins. Some say Adam and Eve. Ok. We all know my stance on bible stories, but I’ll suspend my disbelief (like a good theatre kid!) and say that this one is all factual. How’s it go? (not being rhetorical or snide. I’m bad at bible stuff) Snake told her to eat the apple, she did, she told him to eat the apple, he did, and then they both realized they were nude? So they covered up. But why those parts?? Why not the belly button? Why didn’t they BOTH have to have leaves covering their chest area? What would have happened if the first woman, this Eve, happened to have been really flat chested?? Would (american/european) girls today have the freedom to run around shirtless, as boys do? (speaking as a NOT really flat chested person….OUCH. But still.)

Anyways. Back to the things in the note. Guys will be persistent, but gals are jump starting the process.

But….but how? It leads back to girls being objectified. Boys thinking that a girl showing more skin is obviously trying to flirt with him, is obviously *asking* for it.

And, ok. Perhaps many of the girls *are*. But. Do they really KNOW what they’re asking for? Does the media and society really paint a CLEAR picture of what they’re asking for? All those teen girl mags….how to get a boyfriend, 10 ways to flirt better, how sexy are you quizzes. What are they saying? “Here’s how you make a boy want you sexually” And then the next article is “It’s ok to say NO”

What are we teaching these kids? It’s like teaching a baby how to talk by using a cookie. You hold the cookie out and keep repeating “say cookie!! say cookie!!” and the kid says “Cookie!!!” because it wants that cookie, and you’re holding it out to him. He thinks “oh, if I say cookie, I get it!!” So he says Cookie! and reaches for it. “Oh, nono!!!” you say. “You’re too little to eat cookies!”

Respect starts within.

But what does the length of a skirt have to do with respect? Doesn’t it have more to do with body image? And how they see themselves? “Damn, I look GOOD in this skirt. I’m proud of the way I look, I’m gonna show everyone how GOOD I look because I’m beautiful!!!”

This bit just baffles me. Maybe because I don’t associate respect with clothes. Wait, let me restate that. Perhaps I do associate respect with clothes. But I don’t, or I try not to, *judge* a person based on the clothes they are wearing. And respect doesn’t come from snap judgements. At least, not to me.

Some of my friends wear the most hideous, unflattering clothes EVER. But I still respect them, because I know them. I know what’s beneath the layers of clothes and skin. What are clothes, really, other than skin we can change whenever we want? To me, saying “Oh, I don’t like you and I don’t trust you because you’re wearing all black and have 18 piercings in your face” is kinda the same as looking at someone and saying “Oh, I don’t like you because your eyes are slanted and your skin is ‘yellow'” or “Oh, I don’t like you cuz your skin is black and your eyes are brown” or whatever.

I know I’m jumping all over the place but….these girls, with their short skirts…I was at M’s house today, and DB came in wearing a skirt that, in my opinion, was too short. She’s 10, but she’s skinny and all leg. And now I think….WHY do I think her skirt was too short? I am almost 100% sure she wasn’t wearing it to flirt with anyone she came across. She was wearing it because she’s a little girl, and it is, after all, her size. She didn’t make it short. She bought it that way. Not at some sleazy store or out of a high class fashion mag. It most likely came from wally world or k-mart. I tend to think that many of the things she wears are inappropriate for a 10yr old. But other than the fact that she’s not my kid and I have no say in the matter…..I’ve seen her friends. They ALL wear similar styles. And they’re all 10, or thereabouts. And I can’t vouch for many of them, but I’d say they’re all pretty good kids. DB, I can vouch for. She’s a straight A student. She’s one of the most sensitive, conscientious and thoughtful children I’ve ever met in my life.

And yes, I’ve known the girl since she was 4, and perhaps am as biased as a mother would be towards her child. But. I’ve met a lot of kids in my time. And I’ve stepped back a lot and thought about DB. I’ve listened to the way she speaks and to the things that she speaks about. The girl is more aware of other peoples’ feelings than many of the adults I know.

My point is, she’s not wearing short skirts and tube tops because she wants to be noticed or because she thinks it’s sexy. She wears them because all the girls on tv wear them. She wears them because all her friends wear them. She wears them because she LIKES them. I don’t think it has anything to do with respect.

I could go on and on, but I’m tired and it’s 1030 and I need to go to bed.

I wish there was a way to restructure society. To make it so that when my little DB is 15 or 18 and still wants to wear short skirts that she wouldn’t be in danger of someone thinking that the more leg she was showing the less brains she had, or that the shortness of her skirt implied she “wanted it”.

Here is the My Short Skirt monologue. C&P from http://www.pandys.org/overtherainbow/ensler.html.
My short skirt

It is not an invitation
a provocation
an indication
that I want it
or give it
or that I hook.

My short skirt
is not begging for it
it does not want you
to rip it off me
or pull it down.

My short skirt
is not a legal reason
for raping me
although it has been before
it will not hold up
in the new court.

My short skirt, believe it or not
has nothing to do with you.

My short skirt
is about discovering
the power of my lower calves
about cool autumn air traveling
up my inner thighs
about allowing everything I see
or pass or feel to live inside.

My short skirt is not proof
that I am stupid
or undecided
or a malleable little girl.

My short skirt is my defiance
I will not let you make me afraid
My short skirt is not showing off
this is who I am
before you made me cover it
or tone it down.
Get used to it.

My short skirt is happiness
I can feel myself on the ground.
I am here. I am hot.

My short skirt is a liberation
flag in the women’s army
I declare these streets, any streets
my vagina’s country.

My short skirt
is turquoise water
with swimming colored fish
a summer festival
in the starry dark
a bird calling
a train arriving in a foreign town
my short skirt is a wild spin
a full breath
a tango dip
my short skirt is
initiation
appreciation
excitation.

But mainly my short skirt
and everything under it
is Mine.
Mine.
Mine.