mulled cider

couragecouragecourage. lah.

little letters, embossed in a pebble of pewter. lah.

i’m sitting (well, right now I’m sitting, but I wasn’t earlier) here getting ready for work. I need to be there at 530am, tho I’m going to aim for 5 because I’m hella nervous and don’t want to fuck up tx team on my FIRST day. eheh. Especially since the frikkin CEO *and* DON sit in on it. UGH.

So I scurried around til I found something clean to wear cuz of course, I never got around to doing my laundry today. *sigh* (But I was pleased to find that the khaki’s I hadn’t worn in ages because they were too tight are…not as tight any more :op They’re wearable.)

And I packed some snacks. I’m such a fan of Cambell’s soup, the kind that you can heat in the can and just…drink it…I love the Vegetable Medley. Anyways. So some of that and a kashi bar and some applesauce. And hopefully I’ll remember to grab a Sprite from the fridge in the morning, and I should be good for the day without having to hit up the vending machines, eheh.

And I reviewed all the notes I took while I was orienting with Gracie and I put some CD’s in my purse cuz if JP isn’t there, I can listen (quietly) to music on Grace’s computer I think. At least, no one ever said that I couldn’t. So I will, til someone yells at me :p One of the things I hate at nite is not playing music. heh. I do like being on the kids side cuz they’ll often have the cd player in the hallway, playing soft lullabyes or classical music or something to help relax the kiddos. I usually go and press “Repeat” even if they’re all asleep, just cuz I like to listen to it. I don’t know, technically maybe we are allowed to listen to the radio at nite, but no one does. I guess prolly cuz we’re usually listening for doors creaking open or closed to hear if ppl are sneaking into other ppls’ rooms, or to know who’s getting up to go to the bathroom 18 times a night, or to catch the sleepwalkers before they walk in to the telephone. heh. Still, sometimes it’s just so quiet, it’s maddening. So. I shall take the opportunity to employ music when I can.

So I was trying to think of how else to be less nervous while I’m there and I thought, having something on the desk that’s mine, that calms me, would maybe be good. Gracie has some little knicks and things. And pics all over her bulletin board. So I thought “hmmm….a pic of AJ & I?” But then I’d hafta deal with the explaining and such anytime someone asked, and ppl are always popping in to her office. Not that I’d mind the explaining. But I’m already gonna be busy and nervous and I don’t wanna be thinking “Oh geeez, what are they thinking about me NOW??” Plus most of the frames her pics are in are bigger-ish and would keep getting knocked over in the flutter of papers I’m pretty sure. So in looking around my desk I happened upon my wooden box with the chinese character for healing and river rock (polished river rock) that has “Wonder” carved in it, and the pebble. I love it’s texture and weight and dull shine. It makes me smile. So. I’ll slip that in my pocket tomorrow. And maybe things’ll be ok. hehe. I think I’ll also take the weeble wobble penguin from Madagascar that AJ gave me. Cuz it makes me smile too 🙂

Wee. Speaking of. I just talked to her. So now I can head to bed. And hopefully NOT sleep in in the morning. UGH. Wishing I had some lunesta left.