home.

Pandora is home, safe and sound. Walked home to M’s after my class and walked gingerly down the basement stairs and looked and didn’t see her, but then I looked again and there she was, right on top of a pile of M’s clean clothes.

I happened to be on the phone with J at the time. Of course, I had been on the phone with AJ, but then J called cuz. It was 330 and I wasn’t at therapy cuz. I hadn’t planned on going today. But anyways. Then I got snippy with her on the phone and decided to go. But. I was on thephone with her when I spotted the cat, then I went to therapy so after that I was walking home to get my car to go get the cat when I realized that my car was at the shop getting inspected (FINALLY. It was due somewhere around Sept 30th) so I called M who was at the petstore buying crickets so she swung around and picked me up and dropped me off at the car place, then I paid for the inspection, only $20 but. I STILL have a huge ass oil leak (he’s like “yeah, you wanna be checking that every day. or at least every other day!” oiiiiiiiii) or the squealing that takes place when I try to run the heat or air or defrost. He thinks it’s something with an alternator, which is not cheap to fix. So. *sigh* Guess I go another winter w/o heat in the car.

So I drove to M’s, hung out for a bit, got ‘Dora and am home again.

Therapy was….I don’t even know. Everything is just a mess. Ok, ok. Not EVERYTHING. But. Enough things. *sigh*

I didn’t sleep, or even go to bed, last nite. NOr did I finish the work that needed to be done. ANd NOW I need to write a care plan AND write a paper for Dr F’s class that is due tomorrow. Tho we have one late paper option and one no paper option (she drops the lowest scored paper I think…) so. I might take that. The late option. I dunno. Guess I’ll see how much I get written. Wrote. Something.

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Not everything is a mess, at least with us. We’ll get through. Hugs, jeanne

October 19, 2005

*hug*

no apologies necessary dear one~ (for being “out of it” cuz you know… I am usually! 🙂 Yeah… I’m in NYC!! EEP! 🙂 I’m trying to just flippin’ LET go & give in to the experience & have a good time but dang… Anxiety central. Good LORD. So I don’t have agoraphobia because I can leave home but do they have a phobia for not liking to leave your general “AREA?” 🙂 I wonder!

Mmm kay… so I just googled agoraphobia and was positively DELIGHTed (not) to see that it actually can include ones general “area”… or more accurately–panic disorder WITH agoraphobic tendencies. So what does one do when one FORCES oneself to GO & DO & is already there and just wants to f*cking go home?? But going home in & of itself entails going thru the whole bus process that got one HERE?

🙂 absolutely DELIGHTFUL!! 🙂 (I’m really kinda f*cked here if you can’t tell??) I’m trying to play this off because I’m visiting my best friend for God’s sake–but it’s really… EEP. Just that. I’m enduring till I can go home. That’s not so good is it?? 🙁 I feel like a very bad friend! *sigh* AGAIN.