grains of truth

Myths are always based on grains of truth. Well, maybe not always. But often.

Last nite was a full moon.

Holy fuck was it ever.

Work last nite was just…crazy.

3 of the patients never even went to bed until 3am. One didn’t ever go to bed. One slept in the tv room half the nite. About 20 minutes after he finally went back to his room, another went in there and slept. One got up in the middle of the nite having chest pains, etc. 2 or 3 randomly got up and circled the desk, mumbling about…whatever it was they were mumbling about.

Granted, most of this has been going on for a week, and didn’t just start last nite. But geesum. It was just one thing after another. And then, halfway thru the nite….the guy who never did go to bed, we’ll call him Bob. He is actively psychotic and thinks there’s a transmitter in his head. The man is truly ‘sick’, I mean, you try to have a conversation him and you can tell when the transmitter starts…transmitting? Or when the voices start up. Or he’ll come up to the desk and be like “You called me…” Uh, no, I didn’t. “Yes, you did.” No I haven’t spoken in half an hour. “No. Not like that. Thru the transmitter.” …. Ok, fine, whatever. Not a big deal, not a totally uncommon occurance there of course. Things, however proceeded to slide downhill when he suddenly became obsessed.

With me.

At first he started asking if I wanted to go to breakfast in the morning with him. (Cuz he was positive he was leaving this morning. Packed all his shite and everything. Except….#1, it’s Sunday, there are rarely discharges on Sunday and #2…ain’t no way he’s ready to go. Sad. *sigh*) But anyways. So, I was like “no thanks” and whatever. He’d go away or talk to Jeff for a while then he’d ask again. I finally left the unit to go copy stuff, just to get away for a bit.

When I came back, Donna pulled me in to the nurse’s lounge and informed me that while I was away, “Bob” was talking about me, saying that he needed to make me coffee, and that we were going out to breakfast and all this stuff. She asked me if I wanted to work on the other unit for the rest of the shift. I said no, cuz at that point, it wasn’t a big deal. I’ve had patients do similar things before. I mean, it’s flattering, in a way, just as it would be if anyone asked me out. But it becomes…not so flattering when it turns in to…usually more an obsession type thing than an actual….interest? If that makes sense. I mean, it’s based on 2 minutes actual interaction and howevermany days of whatever spins in their head between us.

So anyways. Eventually it escalates to him stepping into the nurses station, where I’m sitting. In an attempt to kiss me, apparently.

More than once.

Thankfully, all I had to do was say “Get behind that line….” in a threatening tone of voice (er…Stern tone of voice, more than threatening?) and he would.

It was all kind of just sad cuz apparently eventually the voices were saying things about me that he didn’t like. (I didn’t want to know WHAT, and Jeff was kind enough not to tell me, even tho I think “Bob” told -him-. And so then half his brain was obsessing over me, the other half speaking bad/naughty things about me, and then the other half feeling wholeheartedly guilty for not being able to stop or control either of the other 2 parts.

I sort of know what it’s like to be caught in such a bind. Certainly not to such a serious degree, but. I felt bad for him, ya know? I mean. He was trying so hard all nite, to keep it together, to keep focused. But those voices. lah.

And I know at work we joke and amongst ourselves we say things we ought not say…but…well, part of that is keeping our own sanity with humour. At the expense of others. But not in their presence. That doesn’t make it right. Maybe it’s not right OR wrong, tho it’s prolly wrong. But. *shrugs* I’m not perfect and never claimed to be. I CAN say that i honestly don’t dislike people who are psychotic or dealing with psychosis, even if I make fun of parts of it.

On the contrary, I have no idea how they cope as well as they do.

That being said, “Bob” still, by the end of the nite, freaked me out sufficiently enough to never want to have to actually work with him again until they actually manage to get some meds in to him. heh.

I’m so exhausted, I’m falling asleep as I write this, seriously. Ugh. Only barely 4 hrs of sleep last nite before bed. SO tired.