glory, glory

Well. A time for contemplation and reflection. But isn’t that a constant state of mind for me….who knows, who knows. I wonder if Gloria will call me today. (thus far it’s 5pm and she hasn’t, so. I wrote the rest of this around 1am this morning) I’m ashamed to say, she’s not been in my mind for a while. Too much other shite that’s needed to be dealt with. But now, today, I’m sure she’ll be right there in the forefront.

I’m not sure what I expected when I searched for her. Mostly I think I expected that I’d never find her. But find her, I certainly did. More than two years ago. Is that possible??? We’ve only met once. And’ve only talked/communicated a handful of times.

I’m so awkward, even with people I’ve known my whole life, letalone with people who…with this person whom I’ve an unbreakable tie with, this person to whom I am entwined, forever.

But. Despite the fact that my genes came from her…there is no Insta-Bond, ya know? Even tho I feel as if there should be. Maybe for some people there is. And maybe, were the circumstances different, there would be for us too. But that’s not the case. And I sit and stare at this picture of the two of us smiling. And I see no similarities. And I feel petty for wanting to see curly hair or brown eyes on her, or blue eyes and blonde hair on me.

Apparently Daddy-O, whoever he may be, had the dominant genes. Cuz this olive skin sure didn’t come from that paler-than-snow woman. This cumbersome frame didn’t come from that skin-n-bones petite woman. I guess, at least, I do resemble one of her sons. Or I should say he resembles me, since I came first. At least, our baby pictures look similar. I dunno.

Something that I wrote last year. Nothing exactly poetic or profound or even well written. But such is life:

Eleven

Eleven minutes
of awkward conversation
punctuated by
many seconds of silence.

Two people searching
for an unknown
destination.

Two lives connected
by a double helix
of proteins
and genes.
3.8.05/745pm