Fruitcake

My aunt is a nut. Don’t get me wrong, I love her. She’s probably the relative that I’m…closest to? Or. At least she’s the one I’ve spent most of my time with. My mum has 2 sisters. Mum is the oldest, and she’s older than Aunt Patsy by quite a bit, and essentially raised her. Well. Not essentially. She did raise her….

Hmmm. My family is not…I don’t know much history about it? There are a few stories that my mum tells, but I am the youngest and I think by the time I came along, everyone had heard the stories and no one thought to repeat them very much. Plus, I guess my family isn’t really all that communicative to begin with. But. I do remember stories of how my mum was just a little girl herself, but would make Aunt Patsy’s lunch for school and make her doctor’s appts and walk her to school. Their mother was apparently…distant? I dunno. And their father (actually, Aunt Pat might have a different father than my mum. Or my mum had a different father than the other two…) At any rate, their father was in the army, of course, as most men were at that time (I have a pretty, albeit pepto-bismol pink, silk dress that he brought back from…Vietnam (?) with. Actually, I think he just brought the material, mum or Nana made the dress.) Anyways, so he wasn’t there alot. But I’ve only ever heard my mum speak well and lovingly of him- he would come home and get mad at how Nana was pretty much disinterested and therefore left mum to raise the younger ones…

Anyways. When we would go visit nana, we would usually stay at Aunt Patsy’s house, cuz Aunt Sharon had more kids and seemed to always have people living there! Tho we did stay with her a bit as well, I’m sure. When Nana died, my aunts got into a fight over…something stupid. Like a vacuum cleaner? Or something. And stopped speaking to each other for *years* They did finally reconcile, as far as I know. I loved visiting my aunts’ houses- everyone sat around late and played cards (NERTS!!) and there was always so much laughing. And I adored my uncles, even moreso than either of my aunts. Uncle Bum (Uncle Bob. Or “Bobert” as mum calls him sometimes) was tall and fun. One time when we were going out to Beaver Lake…all the cousings would pile up in the back of the pickup (yeah, in the days before seatbelt laws, I guess. Not to mention it was country roads and such) and I remember one time I desperately wanted to ride in the back, but mum said I was too young and had to ride up front with the adults. *grin* I vaguely remember Uncle Bum either putting me in the back and hiding me under the innertubes, or else he put me in the front and stopped a few miles down the road and then let me go in the back! I loved to watch him mow the huge lawn on his tractor. And he’d walk me and my siblings up to the country store at the top of the raod that they lived in- it went up to a campground and looked out over the whole county. And we’d pick raspberries from the vines at the edge of the yard and make ice cream. Uncle Randy (aunt patsy’s husband) was also wonderful, and full of laughter and hugs. I probably considered them more as father figures than I did my actual father. Now that I’m grown, I realize that they weren’t maybe as picture perfect as I saw them as as a child. But it doesn’t matter- they were both good to me, and I loved to visit them.

Where was I going with this? Oh yes. Aunt Patsy being a frikkin nutjob. I swear, as she gets older she just gets…nuttier. She, much like my mother, can partake in a conversation with you, and not actually hear a damn word you say. Or she’ll hear it and just interpret it as she sees fit! I’ve come to learn that she’s definately NOT a reliable source of information! She’s also the biggest gossip I know and just…I dunno. Not that she has any financial obligations to me, certainly. But it’s a little irritating when you’re sitting in her immaculate custom-built house, with the 18 foot tall Christmas tree and the tv bigger than ME both in length and height….and she starts saying “Oh geez. It must be rough, not being able to afford to get your car fixed. Gee, I wish there was some way I could help…” Like, she’s totally oblivious. I have to believe that, or else I’d maim her for flaunting her prosperity. :p

So anyways. Over the past few days, she’s emailed me being all worried about Z. Ok, fine. Understandable. I am probably the easiest person to reach in my family in situations such as these, since I check my email so often- she called H and mum and got busy signals or machines of course. So, she emails me. I give her the info I have. She emails back with the info she has, etc. Fine, whatever. But. She’s just so….I don’t even know!! Condescending? I dunno.

I’m annoyed because she sent me an email. She said:

Dearheart – You both look very, very happy in that picture. Good for
you. Life is too short not to be happy, right? Thanks again for the
info on Baby Zachary. I did talk to Heather last night. She called
me back and gave me the scoop. She says your mom is arriving on
Monday and you will be coming on Wednesday. How nice that all of you
can get together in one place at one time and be with the little one
as well. Thank heavens it was not more serious than it was. Keep
smiling, honey, study lots, and don’t work too hard.

Love you lots.

Aunt Patsy

Ok. This came the morning AFTER I talked to H. H and I discussed me going to her place to help out, and we decided that since mum was going this week and that her in-laws would be there too at some point, that I’d just wait til next week to come out and just spend time with her and the baby and such. I’m not entirely sure where Aunt Patsy got her distorted version of the story. I called H when I received it, thinking…Ok, I was tired when we talked, and she was certainly tired. Perhaps our signals got mixed up. But no, she said that she told Aunt Patsy that mum was coming this week and that I would prolly come next week and such. It’s insane.

I know that this email doesn’t really show it. But. Still. She is.

We may have gotten the crappiest father of the bunch, but we got the most sane mother of the three!! (Scary thought!)

Her tv:

And, because I am obsessed in love: